Hey Bobbi, It pains me to see Dan being soooo disgustingly rude to you. He is abusive. End of. He has no right to talk to you that way, even if you were somehow reconciling, neverlone divorced and him seeing someone else.
Where is your anger? Where is your spirit? Can you see that he has beaten you down into submission so far that you dont even rise to it anymore and just "put up" because ANY contact with him feeds your need for emotional connections with Dan. I was glad to see you admit that, that you still love him and have in no way let go.
You need to stop blaming the kids, or saying, its for the kids sake. Your kidding yourself Bobbi (not entirely, some of it is for the kids, sure). But you cant make it alright for them by putting yourself through hell with a man that no longer loves you. Its not just for the kids Bobbi, its for you. If you smooth things over and maintain family time, you think that paves the way to reconciliation, keeps everything ticking over, normal as it can be whilst you wait. And you get lots of Dan contact, which feeds your longing for him. But its a twisted, unhealthy f*cked up contact and we all see it and so do you even, I know you do hun.
Everyone is right. Dan sees the kids on the alloted days and thats it, no more jumping when he says jump "for the kids sake". Kids need routine, they need boundaries. You keep switching the meal arrangements and days they see Dan and this will only confuse them and maybe even all this family time is feeding Nathans false hopes you will re-marry. Think about that one.
You are struggling dear Bobbi and in answer to your question, you cant make yourself let go, detach, so you can only "fake it till you make it". Ask Dan for help. Tell him you are struggling, please stick to regular visitation and dont contact me unless its about the kids. Make yourself do the 24 hour rule. If its urgent, answer the text. If not, make yourself not reply for 24 hours. Hell, we all had to do it Bobbi when we were DBing! I spent weeks waiting hours/days to answer emails on the advice of Jeff. Go back to basic principles to stop all this knee jerking. Why should you be let off the hook
Lastly.. ask yourself, is all this twisted contact with Dan making you happy?
Hugs as always, Al xxx
Awesome post. Cheers!
BBJ, please take it to heart.
You have been teaching Dan that it's ok to treat you and the kids badly. And you are teaching your kids the same thing.
Would you want your daughter to be treated this way? Would you like your son to behave the way dan does?
You are casting the die for the next generation. Please put an end to it!
