I was in a hurry when I wrote my initial post above. I have more time to give more details.
Three years into our marriage I became pregnant twice and lost both to ruptured ectopic pregnancies. I had to come to terms with the fact that I cannot have children. I became very depressed and was diagnosed with PTSD. For the past 4 years I have tried many therapists and medications and I just can't snap out of it.
My personality was very outgoing and I was very successful. I became very clingy to my husband and lost most of my interests. I read the books and realized that I didn't have a life at all and that the more my husband pulled away, I tried to cling to him.
He didn't do well with me depressed over time. He tried really hard, but eventually gave up.
I found out that he has looked into divorce. I found some notes he made. This was 3 weeks ago. He hasn't said anything since and as I mentioned above, I am afraid to ask. I wrote him a letter taking responsibility for my part in this. I asked him if he read it and he said yes, but quickly, I need to read it again.
He has started acting nicely to me lately. I am afraid it's the calm before the storm. We are currently short selling our home, which we'd be doing anyway, we are way underwater and in the military. We've been living apart for 1 year and that needs to stop. I'm sure it played a large role in all of this.
He cheated on me once, that I know about. Wasn't an affair, just a one nigh hookup. That eroded my trust in him which furthered my depression.
