Honeypot, I liked your post and it made alot of sense to me. The next time he gives me the old "we're not 20 anymore I am going to tell him to sell the Harley (and have a camera ready to take that Kodak moment) get rid of the golf clubs and skip the casino because DARN - he's way too old for that young stuff.
Quote: Have you tried telling him that the "I'm too old" argument just doesn't wash? That if he is young enough to ride on a Harley, etc, that he is young enough to make love to his wife? His words and his actions are incongruent and I would be pointing that out to him, pronto.
I'm going to do just that. You're right - they are incongruent and it is hurting ME. I don't want to be old! Heck I'm only 44 and I feel young! Well, except for yesterday - I moved a ton (literally) of paint at a Wal-Mart store. I am a Sherwin William sales rep and I moved rearranged an entire deparment yesterday and I was tired. But I thought sex would be a perfect Pick Me Up but I didn't even ask. Didn't want to be turned down. He has a bad cold right now and who needs that?!
I like your rules Honeypot. Makes sense to me. Sometimes it is the small things that count. I feel like Cemar. I want HIM to make the connection not just let me hug him. I tell him sometimes "Honey - it is not a hug unless you are participating. Put your arms around me. It won't hurt!" But I would like for him to come up and HUG ME.
My husband could not be called a people pleaser. What he can be called is an extremely hard worker and diligent on his job to the point of perfection (that is hard to top!)but he does that to please himself and what he thinks is right and wrong. If someone else doesn't like what he is doing all of the Broussard (that is his mother's family and they wear this notion like a badge of honor) comes out in him (he is a little Cajun boy!) and he feels that they can take a flying leap at a rolling donut! No he is not a people pleaser in the normal sense of the word.
Quote: Anyway, these rules were all simple affection type things and, of course, I threw in "sex twice per week" which he agreed to! I asked for a kiss and hug before going to sleep at night. That sort of thing.
I like the sex twice a week thing! That is great for you! Is he keeping up with his end of the bargain?
Unfortunately - I know I could not expect him to commit to that because of his Chrone's. Some days are diamonds and some days are stones with his problem. If his Chrone's kicks up sex is not on the radar screen at all. I'm sure that when you are having diarrhea 10-15 times a day the last thing on your radar screen would be sex. This is what aggravates me about him though. Most of the time he will not tell me when he is feeling bad. He said that if it were up to him I wouldn't even know he had Chrone's and that he does not like to even say he feels bad because it makes him feel out of control.
He is a little bit of a control freak and I think that because he literally has NO control over his own body that it is very frustrating for him.
Still - your post made some great points and I am going to use them as best I can for my situation.
