Well I have a long update but I will try to keep it short. I am still at odds with moving back in. When I finally detach, I think that is when I will move back in. The children seemed to be doing much better and acting very comfortable around me now. When I was there I could not help but to do all of the wrong things, that you are not supposed to do. My fear is that if I move back in now , not being completely detached we will argue and the kids will become upset again.
I do value the advice that is given on here. I read many posts and sometimes it works and sometimes it does not.
Well those who have been following the sich, I moved out in July for two months and moved back in for a week, during that week W and I fought everyday, six days after I moved back in (and I moved back because I pay all the bills)she told me that she did not care if I was here or not, she was going to see the OM. That infuriated me and I left again. This is the only reason that I am not moving back in right now.
She is in a full blown R with him and I think that they have been sleeping together.
Anyway on to the update, I have been GAL lately, I have bought almost a whole new wardrobe and have been exercising. I have been to my C and getting this discussed for me to be a better person. I run hot and cold on going dark but I have to work on it. As you may remember our washing machine went on the fritz and got up out of bed at 1130 at night and went over there. I was blasted on here but felt it the right thing to do at the time. Anyway last Monday the part was supposed to be there and it did not come in. I went out that morning and excersied and bought all of my new clothes. ( I have lost 25 lbs since the Bomb was dropped, three inches off my waist alone so I had to buy somethings). I was feeling pretty good that day and got my new clothes on and looked in the mirrior and was happy at the person who was looking back(just for that day though). Have you ever felt that you looked hot and had confidence. Well that was that day. I went by my house to talk to W about the part only to find out that she was at work. Her work is about 1 minute from our house so I went by to see her. This is where I think it gets good. I walked into her place of business and she was with a customer talking, she looked up and did a double take and asked another worker to come handle this customer. My wife walked right up to me and had a look like OMG, she said to me your are very handsome. I felt good about the comment and I hope it hurt a little on the inside. Anyway made small talk about the part and she ask what I doing and I said nothing right now, turns out that she was going on lunch break for an hour and I asked her if I could sit with her while she ate. I took her to Wendy's and she asked me to order her same thing that she always gets. I ordered her meal and me a drink. When she came back to the table and asked why was I not eating, I looked at her dead in the eye and told her I had dinner plans later, she looked perplexed.(being mysterious even though I did not but it felt good) We sat and like an idiot I brought up the R, she was asking about my therapist and how it was going. I told her good and then we argued for a while and I took her back to work. Just before she got out of the car she was upset and told me that she would like to shake the bleep out of me for just now getting it.I did not respond and she left.
The next morning I came over and started to take the washing machine apart because I had to travel to get the part so I wanted to get ahead of the game. She was in some sweats and was looking really good and also was in a good mood. Since the first time 25 years ago that we had kissed she told me that I was the best kisser that she has ever kissed, she has bragged about that over the years and it was a good feeling. So I just put my foot in my mouth and asked her if I was still the best kisser, she looked and smiled and you better know it. I then asked her if OM commented on her laugh, because I can tell you that it is contagious and I have always commented on it for years. She just smiled at me. Even though we were talking about the OM it felt good not to be arguing. A few minutes later I was sitting on the counter and she came up to me and leaned into me for a hug which I gladly took. I have not had a hug since the night I came over late for the washing machine. This lasted a few minutes. I then found the problem with the washing machine and did not need the part. After I finished we got in an argument about the same old stuff. I ended up leaving because she had to go to work. Several days past and she called me and was upset. She told me that she did not want me to call or text her unless it was about the kids. Also during one of the last fights we had , she said that you have not listened to anyone that has told you to back off. I do agree that I have not backed off enough. She did tell me that I do not know how you are going to convince me that you have changed. I am not going to date you, see you so its your problem to figure it out on your own. She also said that she was going to do what she is going to do.
I am at a loss because I told you all that she took OM camping with the girls. I also found out through bank records that they went to a tourist attraction that I am not to fond of but W is. I told her that I was crushed to think that she and OM were walking holding hands and my children were there, not to mention that she probably used my van for him to ride in. That did not go over very well and we hung up.
Last night she called me after work to ask if she could buy D17 a couple of shirts that cost 5 bucks a piece, I asked her if she was going to spend just that or her normal amount. She said no. She hung up and I got pissed, I called her back and said why did you call me to ask about ten dollars when you did not ask me about the 100 dollars you spent with OM this weekend, she did not respond. Also I believe it was just and excuse to meet him. I think he lives about 50 miles from us and she did tell me that she would not disrespect me by letting him come to the house. So far that has been the case. So today I wake up and find that she is off today, (she told me that she had to work don't know why she told me that) my D13 calls and ask for some money and I say get your mom to do it and she states mom is off somewhere. Anyway I will try to detach and GAL and then move home.
One other thing I forgot to mention is that why we were at Wendy's I was going to drop the rope. I told her that I had spoken to a L who is a friend of mine about the S agreement. She looked shocked, she asked who it was because in my line of work I know alot of L's. It turns out that she also went to see the same L a week before I told her that I had called(which I was bluffing it almost backfired). She told me that the L said that he knows me to well and had to giver her to his partner. He also told her that a simple D she would have to give a 3000 dollar retainer and 350 dollars and hour. He also told her that it would cost me the same. She told me that she was shocked. Also he told her that the D could not be final until the house sells. Well in my town and in today's market it could take up to 3 years to sell. So I asked her what is it you want me to do, pay all of the bills for three years and live in my friends spare room, she just said you need to keep paying the bills. I said that I will have a limit and it is soon approaching. She know what the ramifications are if we loose the house and how her standard of living will drop. Does the WAS realize this in there chemically controlled brain. Anyway thanks for letting me vent. I am not sure there any new advice you could offer but I will at this point listen to all I can get. I know that things can change in a heartbeat.