MPT, Thanks for the post, yes sometimes I do give up the chase. That is when I emotionally pull back from him. I can't help it. I feel like I have to pull back because it is just to frustrating to continue.
My husband likes to tease me and soemtimes when I have asked him why he does the things he does he replies that he does it just to tease me. Then he says I don't have a sense of humor. Well, I have a good sense of humor but why would you think it is amusing to withhold something from your spouse? I really don't think he does it to aggrevate either. He just doesn't even think of much hugging or touching.
I am a very affectionate person with him. I could hug and kiss him a million times a day but I think he feels like I am invading his personal space.
Quote: If continuing to pursue him is making you feel worse, then stop. If he gets upset, then that's his choice and he can decide what he wants to do in response.
This is where I am at right now. I know that my husband is very much like his mother. My MIL is a funny, outgoing person with everyone but her H. With him (well she is getting better in their old age) she can be a total icicle. She is not a loving, affectionate person with her H but he, on the other hand, tries to be a loving spouse. Granted he can be a pill himself, but he has tried to be a loving spouse to her and she used to freeze him dead in his tracks. My FIL has told my H on more than one occassion that he is a lucky man to have a wife who caters to him and is a loving affectionate spouse and that he wished his wife would be more like that.
So I guess it is in his genes and a learned thing too. I did not come from a physically demostrative family but make no mistake, I knew that my mother, grandmparents, and my extended family LOVED us dearly and that we were the most important things in the world to them.
I know that my H loves me and that I am important to him because he will tell me if he is pressed to do so (like when I have had enought of his roommate treatment). So I feel there is something that I need to change in me not to want/need his affection.
My mother has said that when you stop needing/wanting/expecting something from someone other than yourself that is when you will find peace with your situation. Right now I am not at peace.
I want something that he just cannot or will not give. When is enough all ready for me? I am not talking about divorce. That is the last thing I want. When will I quit expecting something from him that he is just not capable of?
Cemar, my H doesn't act old at all. He works out on a regular basis and has a good body to show for it. Except that he has gone prematurely gray (when he hurt his back it was like he went gray overnight!) he is extremely young looking for his age. He rides his Harley, loves to play blackjack (and wins too!)loves to golf and plays on a regular basis. We are very active with our children's activities also. No he does not act old execpt when he tells me not to expect sex like when we were first married.
I don't expect it like when we were first married but I do expect for it to be on his radar screen!
I think I need to change and than I won't be so aggravated all the time.
