Just remember, you were ready to hire a lawyer (probably still a good idea--think of that as 1500 dollar peace of mind insurance) and file for divorce this morning.
If she tries to get you to give up on basic boundaries, "i don't know how I feel about things" is going to be the next best thing to good Kung Fu.
Good kung fu is taking what she says and using it sort of like using an opponent's momentum against them.
"I'm so sorry".
--"You're sorry?".
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Agree. "I'm not sure HOW I feel about that. I'll need some time to think about this" is your friend.
Anything legal, and your answer is "I hear that you want _______. I'll have to discuss that with my attorney, and we'll get back to you. This is all very new to me, and I"m going to lean on his judgment on these things."
Thanks to everyone... I feel a lot better. I am still anxious about whats going on but I feel good about it. Still snooping some to looking at phone records but over all my state of mind is much improved.
Shes really pissed. We had to talk about money tonight she wanted me to only give her money in cash or check. I told her to get a bank account and I'd transfer the money to it. She refused thinks I woulc hack it with an account number and routing number.
We worked it out once I found out the bank can track what card removes money.
I told her she would be hearing from my attorney towards the end of the month. She was like oh you already have an attorney. I said no but I'll be getting one shortly because I assumed she would be continuing with her current actions. I said that is correct right? She said well I still want a divorce. I said ok well I'm going to make it easy for you and file.
She accused me of freezing her out of all the money. I told her that wasn't true she had access to car, home, food, and a phone. Other than that my attorney said I didn't have to do anything. She said your paycheck is 1/2 mine. We stopped right around there.
Not sure if I [censored] up with mentioning the attorney and filing. I almost went back and said only if you continue with your curent actions.
Also she talked to her mom all day today. I am so tempted to call her.
She finally gave me the credit cards and I am taking those over.
Judo IMO you held your ground. Keep her mother out of the sitch this is between you and your W besides blood is thicker than water and eventually her mother will turn on you.
You know that you will have to follow through with the L or risk losing the value of your word with your W. Time told me once that just because you file does not mean that the D will happen. Coach stated the following to me once and I added the definitions and additional words for clarifications it help guide me through my sitch:
Lead - Know your path Confidence - Act with self-assurance...Boldness Poise - Self-possessed calmness...Balance Strength - The ability to do or endure...Toughness Honor - Conduct your actions with outward respect...Integrity
You are sounding stronger. I realized as my sitch was progressing that the episodes of depression, nerves, etc were becoming shorter in duration and farther apart in frequency. I can see the same pattern in you. Remember if you need advice or someone to bounce stuff off of there is always someone on this site help. Have a great weekend Judo!
trying to stay strong, distant, and stay the course today.
Part of me wants to beg her to stay. I know I can't. I love her dearly. I'll be fine with out her and this is a journey she needs to go on to discover what she truly wants.
