you are preaching to the chior...I fully understand the lonly feeling of laying in a bed next to someone who seems like they are in another world all toghether. I understand the need to be desired. I understand your pain becuase I've lived it.
can you directly list what loving things your w does for you...not things that neccesarily make you feel loved but things that might be perceived as loving?
can you focus on those for a while and try not to focus so much on your way?
now you can go right ahead and say...but that's not going to get me anywhere and it's not going to work...but how would you know til you do it?
if you learn to speak her language without expecting that you will be repaid in your own language for doing so...you might see a softer w.
