Cemar, I feel for you. I really do understand what you are talking about. I am myself 44 years old. Too young to act old in my humble opinion!
I too was raised a Christian. I was a Sunday School teacher when I was married to my Ex. It was an extremely HARD decision to leave him based on the bible. But after talking with several trused scholars they all said the same thing - my husband was holding back on me - in effect HE had broke our wedding vows but not relating to me in a Christian sactified manner. The grounds on a Christian basis also became adultry because after we seperated he started sleeping around. Talk about insult to injury - he did not want to be intimate with me (would make me dirty!) but he slept with every moving target in town. I was not amused. He took my hopes, dream, self esteem, heart, etc and that just burnt me up. Sometimes I felt like what was I? chopped liver?
I went to our apt. one day 3 weeks after I left and found a note from a girl that I knew on the dresser. She had spent the night. Wasn't that special. I went out that night with my step brother (I had not intended on doing so until the divorce but I thought why am I not moving on with my life when he was?!) and met the man that i married 3 1/2 years later.
You asked this specific question:
Quote: Question: If the wife asks for the divorce, and then the husband remarries, is he committing adultery according to the Bible, or do I have to stay single for the rest of my days?
You may end up with the same senario that I did - he took other lovers while we were married therefore adultry in the biblical since. Other way that I have looked at it all through the years is that this sin is no different then all the other sins we commit. God is a loving and forgiving God - not someone who can't wait to squash us for every sin - if that were so Moses wouldn't be in heaven now!
I am still a dedicated Christian. I teach an adult bible class. I know that God has forgiven me. God also wants us to be happy Christians.
But you still did not really answer my question. I asked if there were ways that your wife showed her love to you. You said she likes to talk - that is great - listen to her. Maybe tell her you will listen to everything she has to say if she is sitting closer to you. Baby steps sometimes are the ticket. Is there other ways that she specifically shows that you are important to her? That having YOU in her life is important to her? Does she think that no one else could be as good of a father to her children? Does she appreciate your sense of humor?
I am going to go back and read different threads that you have wrote to familiarize myself with your particular situation.
You did say something that intiqued me
Quote: . I would actually rather be alone then be with her, because she makes me even LONELIER then being alone.
I'm sure she senses this and that is not the way to win her heart and body and that is what you are after - her heart and her body! Make time for just her and start to try to enjoy her company for what it is - her compamy. Maybe she feels your tenseness and that causes her to withdraw even more from you.
I know that your situation must be fraught with tension and anger. I know if I was in your shoes I would feel the very same way but if you are going to stay with her it is counter productive. As I said I get annoyed if 3 weeks is approaching and we have not had sex. Sometimes I feel like he knows I am getting annoyed and he suddenly thinks "How long has it been - maybe that is why she is crabby!" and then we do make love. I know that I would like for it to be the way it used to be but I cannot make him feel the way he used to feel.
He is going to the doctor on Tuesday. I wanted to go with him but my supervisor is flying in to ride my territory with me. (I am an outside sales rep for Sherwin Williams so when my boss is on his way I have to be available.) But maybe it is better that I don't go. I want him to ask his dr. about a testostrone test and maybe he would be more open to discussing this with his dr. if I wasn't with him.
Sometimes I feel like a total witch about this sex thing. I know that Chrone's Disease is the pits for anyone, male or female, that has the misfortune to have it. My former supervisor had Chrone's and she said that it was a killer in all sorts of ways. Sometimes I feel like I am a horrible spouse for even suggesting sex to him.
I have discussed this with him and told him how bad it makes me feel when I ask for his attention and it is always a no. I have told him that I was going to change my ways and not ask anymore but he said he wants me to keep asking (I am a masochist-did I spell that right? I keep going back for more)because it keeps him from just fading away he says.
I was thinking he probably thinks I am a bottomless pit of need myself. That disturbs me too - I do not want to be another source of anxiety to him - just the opposite. I guess we all have issues!
So - let me know - what WAYS does SHE feel she SHOWS her love for you?
