The other extremely important point I forgot to tell you that helped me heal was to go no contact.
He wanted to be friends. It ripped my heart out at every interaction, especially when he would occasionally slip back into the blame game or get nasty with no reason. If he was nice, it hurt, too - maybe even worse. It was a loose-loose situation for me, and as much as I hated to do it, I had to cut off contact.
I am divorced more than 2 years, and we still have very little contact - mostly email and text. I can stand a brief phone conversation about the kids, and we do school conferences together. That's it.
My kids are ok with it; they understand. They still spend time with him on a schedule.