Just thought I would throw in my 2 cents worth. I read with interest everything that Carlotta has wrote and the replys.

Part of what Carlotta said I can understand - about losing desire for someone after awhile - but those were people I casually dated - wasn't even interested enough in them to have a sexual relationship with them. (I've only had a sexual relationship with my ex husband and my husband of 21 years)

Carlotta, you said
Quote:

He wanted CONSTANT touching and affection from me during the day. It felt onerous and smothering to me. His way of touching me was sometimes irritating. I *would* spontaneously hug him, tell him things I loved about him, but his feeling was often, "You're just saying that." I felt that nothing I did was EVER enough. He felt like a bottomless pit of need.




Some people you can never please - it is them, not you. It sounds as if you did try to please your husband and as you said he never spoke up about this being an issue. It may not have really been an issue - he was just one of those people that if you'd been perfect that would have annoyed him to. My ex was a bottomless pit too and I was very affectionate and a HD spouse too but it wasn't enough for him. He could just consume all I had and didn't really give anything back. It sounds like your spouse was a very needy person and probably had you been a HD spouse he would have gripped about that too. My ex was that way. He was constantly whining about something: my mom left me, my dad died, I didn't get to play basketball my senior year, yada yada. Nothing I did or said made a dent in this child/man. He was constantly playing on my sympathies with his sad story until I finally told him one day that he wasn't the only one with childhood issues! So don't beat yourself up too much over his bottomless pit needs.

He smothered me to the point that I wanted to run from him. He was obcessively jealous and would have fits if I even spoke to someone casusally or looked out the car window for heaven's sake.

Having said that you said that you would just as soon read a book as make love. (I adore reading myself and read just about anything I can get my hands on.) Do you get more pleasure from reading a book than making love? Is the pleasure factor about the same? Did you husband pull the old bottomless pit of need before he wanted to make love? That would be a desire killer.

To me life without sex with the man that I love is like a day without sunshine. I know that sex is not the end all be all of existance but it makes existance pretty darn nice. Nothing makes me feel better, more loved, more loving, content, happy, satisfied, etc. than to make love to my husband and by the same token nothing makes me sadder, madder, unhappy and unsatisfied than when our sex life is derailed.

As I said just my 2 cents.

Nieice