surprise surprise, there's an A

[TimeHeals]

TH ~
It's a sort of prostitution, and certainly beneath Asher I would think.
Greek

I certainly hope so. I'd hate to lose another one to the dark side

[asher]

so how about this scenario:

I just act 'as if' for the next two years till he's done. Get myself a hot young thing for some fun. Then nail him for alimony.

hahaha
you might have lost me :-)

[TimeHeals]

hahaha
you might have lost me :-)

Oh dear lord. A bell unrings every time an agel loses its wings.

[asher]

In all seriousness though.
For the first time, I am feeling some clarity. Have not talked to H today. I want to take a few days and plan this out, make sure I'm not letting my emotions rule me. Fear is an emotion, right.

So, what is the best way to proceed to protect myself?
Right now, I have the dogs. A few months ago he told me I could have both dogs, but that was one of the reasons he wanted to work on M, because when I went to take both dogs he realized he would really miss them.
I really want to keep both of them, and I feel justified doing so. I have a feeling that things will get ugly when I say that I know about this A and refuse to talk to him any longer.
I am in a position now I can keep the dogs, but all of my things are still in the U.S. I mean EVERYTHING except a few suitcases. I have all my important paperwork down there, things that have sentimental value etc. I am really worried if I don't concede to him seeing or having the dogs he will throw my things away, or not allow me access to them.
How can I best protect myself?
Financially, we are not intertwined. I have my separate bank account and have been saving left and right in case this was the route I was going to take. In my 'starting over' account, I have $3,000.
I'm living with my parents right now, but that's a temporary solution.
So, how do I tell him this while keeping the dogs, and protecting my things? Should I maybe just go down there when I know he's at school and clear things out? Is there anything legal I can do? My name is on the lease, so I know I can gain access to the condo through the landlord.

[asher]

wow I can't believe I'm actually rationally planning something out. This is the FIRST time in six months I've thought rationally

[soleil]

Get it in writing, dear. Keep saving money.

[asher]

What are normal reactions when you confront a spouse with an A?
What should I say?
I was considering something along these lines:

I know what's going on and I won't live in an open marriage. I will come to pick up my things on this date and I'm keeping the dogs, as per our discussion in the summer.

I was just going to leave it at that. My friend, who is divorced, said to brace myself for a lot of anger and manipulation. I think that is true, last time I just tried stopping talking to him for a few days he started accusing me of sleeping with someone and said "I guess this shows you really want a divorce."
Of course at that point I came running back, hence this half-assed reconciliation attempt.

[asher]

Also, the when I do this is important. I was thinking until waiting until January as I don't want to do anything drastic over the holidays, but do you think that's too long to wait?
That gives me some more time to save money too. I should probably ask him for that $500 he owes me too before I tell him I'm not talking to him anymore :-)

[gutwrenching]

What are normal reactions when you confront a spouse with an A?

At first often they are caught off guard so it is nice/calm conversation...maybe some tears. Then after they think about it, anger is common...they are angry at you, how dare you try to ruin their fairtale life.

[asher]

Incidentally, I'm reading a really fun book called It's a Breakup because it's Broken
It has some really great advice for moving on, and some pretty humorous anecdotes about the crazy things people have done in the midst of a breakup...happy to say i've never had sex with a road cone :-)