That was a great post Ali. Tough but some very good points. If i can be brutally honest, even after a few years, my exchanges with the X sometimes slide out of the D10 (in a few days) discussion boundaries. Always initiated by her (well 90%), I do get the warm fuzzies still when the X choses to share stuff (usually happy and business related) with me. The difference is that they do not linger at all. Why they do it and why we allow it? For me it is a combination of continued good relations for the sake of co-parenting and probably still being a friend (an ear). Do they deserve it? That is up to US to decide. So in a sense I do understand BBJ's struggles but and I think you are right about BBJ getting something out of ALL that contact.
