Carlotta, I have a comment and suggestion about the situation you are describing, where the other person inspires your desire only when they are new and somehow not "secure" per se. I think desire comes from 2 places, sometimes even at the same time. It comes from your head and from your body (no mind attached ). The body is programmed to prefer the new object of desire, the new guy, for new and improved genes. The other is our mind, where we just think ourselves to lust, because this person is so special and funny and so many other reasons that makes feel all nice inside. It seems to me that you are not actively doing the mind lust thing. See, this is what my H cannot, for the life of him understand. That someone can get turned on just by focusing on all the things that makes that person desirable and going from cold engines to blazzing in not time (well , that is whith practice..I guess it will take a bit longer to the "apprentice" ) Sometimes people forget that they can get themselves in the mood that way, AND that they have done it before, just not in a consious way. The physical call of the jungle is just not that reliable for most people and it does fades with time and familiarity, but the other engine starter never fails if you do this exercise, just focus on what is sexy, nice , beautiful even , of that person and start thinking sexy thoughts and looking at those eyes paying attention like you haven't seen them everyday. All the things that attracted you in the beginning are still there, you just have to look , really pay attention again. It is just doing something that comes naturally and without thinking when all is new, now is something you do on purpose, same tool, just a much more in control driver : yourself. It works for me when the body is not in the mood to start with, but it jumps in the wagon soon after, that is also true desire.
) Sometimes people forget that they can get themselves in the mood that way, AND that they have done it before, just not in a consious way. The physical call of the jungle is just not that reliable for most people and it does fades with time and familiarity, but the other engine starter never fails if you do this exercise, just focus on what is sexy, nice , beautiful even , of that person and start thinking sexy thoughts and looking at those eyes paying attention like you haven't seen them everyday. All the things that attracted you in the beginning are still there, you just have to look , really pay attention again. It is just doing something that comes naturally and without thinking when all is new, now is something you do on purpose, same tool, just a much more in control driver : yourself. It works for me when the body is not in the mood to start with, but it jumps in the wagon soon after, that is also true desire.
