KML, I'm with you on all points... But after a year of getting to know each other, talking about our kids, playing chess daily... I thought he was younger, maybe 47 ... But when it turned into a love connection, well... I wanted to pull back when I found out he was 32. Honestly, the attention and love after DECADES without sex is WOW. Haven't gone public with kids, family, colleagues... Maybe we never will, but as a HD SSW, I'm just loving being this happy. Crazy -?- yes, but happy too.
So, here's a question for you all, especially the guys:
(Bear in mind, since I haven't dated since the 70's, I'm flying blind here).
34 year old guy - we had drinks last Thursday, prolonged parking lot kissing session after. When I got home he'd sent me a short sweet email, and when I answered it, he sent me a reply first thing the next morning. Didn't hear from him all weekend, but it was Halloween. Monday hear from him by email - he'd had his family down for a party (lol - no wonder he didn't contact me - wouldn't want to have to explain me to mom and dad).
Tuesday night he comes on chat and we have a long convo. He's very flirtatious, some chit chat about his work (busy) and my week (busy) but also about how attractive he found me etc etc.
Finally it is quite late and I mention that if he wants to DO anything about that attraction he might have to actually ask me out on a date (the drinks last week were my idea, I was working late and we were chatting at that time, I said I really needed to get something to eat and he could join me). He says it will have to wait until he's not passing out (it was QUITE late by that time) but wishes me wonderful dreams and calls me "beautiful one".
Sounds good, right? But now it's Thursday night and I haven't heard a thing. Shouldn't a guy who is interested in seeing me again, be thinking about reserving some weekend time with me? I don't want to get a call Saturday afternoon asking what I'm doing that night.
To complicate things, I happen to have tickets to a cool concert Sat. nite, that I bought a couple of weeks ago. It would be really fun to go with him, BUT I am NOT asking him out again - he NEEDS to be the one to ask ME out. I was hoping he would ask, and then I could mention I had these tickets, would he like to go? But if he doesn't ask soon, I'm just going to ask a friend to go. (I'd ask one of the other two guys but they are both in L.A., about 90 mins away).
Am I just expecting too much in terms of a first date request? Is it the norm for younger people to make last minute plans? How late can I accept a date without looking like I'm sitting around waiting? (actually I have a very busy weekend, if he waits too long I won't be able to schedule him in).
I'd think he has other dates already, or that he's got cold feet about the age thing, except he sounded SO excited about being with me.
Shouldn't a guy who is interested in seeing me again, be thinking about reserving some weekend time with me?
Yes!!
Originally Posted By: kml
To complicate things, I happen to have tickets to a cool concert Sat. nite, that I bought a couple of weeks ago. It would be really fun to go with him, BUT I am NOT asking him out again - he NEEDS to be the one to ask ME out. I was hoping he would ask, and then I could mention I had these tickets, would he like to go? But if he doesn't ask soon, I'm just going to ask a friend to go.
Ask a friend to go and stop torturing yourself. Yes, it would be fun to go with him, but the ball is in his court to ask you out. I hate to be harsh, but you may be his "plan B". There are lots of possibilities. But IME and from what I read on the dating advice sites, if a guy is really into you he'll be wanting to arrange the next date as soon as possible. Mr. Last Minute would be horrible to date...don't do that to yourself.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
I hear you - and that's what I'm thinking too. But I'd like to hear the guys' opinions here too. If you're interested in a woman, are you anxious to lock up a weekend night with her? Or if you're locked into a busy workweek (which he is) are you not really thinking about it until Friday night?
Where the heck is your GAL? After one casual meeting you initiated and you're fretting that he'll call so he can go with you to an event you planned for ages ago? Personally, I'd enjoy going with a good friend, having a great time where you let your hair down. And when/if he calls you already have great plans.
Hmmm, it is sort of confusing what he said and what his actions are. If he finds you so attractive and you give him an invitaion to "do something about it" I would think that he would be setting up a date ASAP! I know that if I was not calling after a few days it would be because I was not THAT into someone.
Keep on looking is what I would suggest.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
For whatever reason, he's just not that into you. Period.
My guess is that he really likes you and finds you attractive, but he's got a lot of lines out and is waiting to base his plans on what looks like the surest thing.
If I'm wrong and he calls last minute, he can always get himself a ticket to the concert, if you feel inclined to invite him.
But, WHY DO YOU KEEP GOING FOR THESE MEN WHO ARE JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU????
Proving one of them wrong by winning their undying love isn't going to prove STBX wrong, ya know?
I was right about long distance guy, flakey guy, etc...
You see these things yourself and then plow ahead. Really, what is leading you in that direction? What will it mean the most if, for instance, long-distance guy comes around? What would be best about that, and the answer is not the sex....
Violin - yes, thanks for the guy's perspective. That's what I thought too, but since it has been so very long since I dated, I wasn't really sure if I was using some old-fashioned rule. Frankly, I thought he wasn't that into me after he didn't contact me over the Halloween weekend - then he came back so interested early this week.
OT - you're right, I do have to be on the lookout for my tendency to fall for unavailable guys. That has nothing to do with my ex, actually, and everything to do with losing my dad when I was young. But it IS there.
That being said - I don't think that's operating here with the 34 year old. I know he'd just be a fling - I'm just at the point where I would REALLY like a fun date and that little kissing session was so nice, I'm looking forward to repeating it! Plus he seemed like a NON-depressed guy, I was hoping to break my pattern of dating the depressed guys.
As for the other guys - the Northern California guy, I'm getting over him, really I am. The East Coast guy? He's all about pursuing me, not vice versa. I'm enjoying all the words of affirmation and the snappy dialogue when we talk on the phone, but I don't expect he will ever materialize in my orbit - practical issues are too great and his never-married history and depression history are big red flags. But it is reminding me what it looks like when a guy is really interested in pursuing you.
The 44 year old LA guy could be good but he's not much of a pursuer either, he'd have to show me more initiative.
So far, what I have is two guys who actually are pursuing me in the way I would like (and am trying to hold out for) - one is 3,000 miles away, and one if half my age. LOl.
GAL is not a problem - I'm actually WAY too busy right now. I guess that was part of why I wanted this 34 year old to hurry up and call - my weekend is so busy, I probably won't be able to fit him in now.
Ah, but you're all correct - if he was that into me, after the comment I made, he should be contacting me. If not - he's got other irons in the fire, or he's having second thoughts about the age difference, or he's just not that into me!
I suppose this means I need to go to the party tonight that I was thinking about skipping (it's a very very long drive and I'm usually wiped out at the end of my work week -but it was a very fun party last time.)
