Carlotta, The difference is that you can socialize with people without your husband and it is socially and morally acceptable. It is not acceptable for your husband to get his need met with other people.
Your statement about lust and desire intrigued me. I don't understand the connection between "knowing" someone and desire. If you found them desirable at one time, physically or emotionally, then what specifically changes that? Are you saying that familiarity breeds contempt? Like, seeing someone burp, for instance, takes the mystique and sexiness out of the picture for you?
I have to tell you that I find this type of thinking so strange and foreign to me! I think my H is beautiful and sexy. The fact that he is human might affect my desire in that I probably will not find him sexy at the exact moment that he burps, but overall it doesn't affect it. 10 minutes later when he is looking fine and gives me a nice smile, I have completely forgotten anything that might have seemed "gross" at the time. Furthermore, do you think this is a fair way to approach romantic relationships? That the instant that person becomes human, it's all over? I'm not sure it is. I choose to focus on my H's positive and sexy traits, rather than go down the road of the reasons why he can be unattractive to me--and there are a lot of those, believe me!
I don't know if this is what you were getting at, so could you clarify it for me?
