KEM, I think that is a common thing for a WAW to say. If she felt like she was always the one working at the R in order to have a good M while you were not, then after she is "done" and feels that there is no hope in things ever changing and she leaves the M......THEN you decide to change! Of course she's mad!
It takes a lot for most women to reach the point of giving up on the man she fell in love with. She wonders why you could not have made these changes when it meant the world to her and while she was working so hard at the R. Of course she's mad!
She's thinking that it took "this" to finally get your eyes open and care enough. Of course she mad!
This is true, some of the critisims I am getting from my wife are absolutely correct, but no one is anywhere near perfect, her included.
At the moment she has rewritten history to blame me for everything, it's my fault even if it's raining outside. There is nothing good, or never has been anything good about me.
Is it not possible that some or even half of the blame might lay with her?
This is true, some of the critisims I am getting from my wife are absolutely correct, but no one is anywhere near perfect, her included.
At the moment she has rewritten history to blame me for everything, it's my fault even if it's raining outside. There is nothing good, or never has been anything good about me.
Is it not possible that some or even half of the blame might lay with her?
Sure she's to blame....but I suspect she's trying to justify leaving the M. You know, if you are a good ole Joe that everyone loves, she's not going to have much favor with people, so she's got to come up with excuses.
You know how we women are so bad to use the words "always" and "never"? Well I think rewriting history is part of this. The other part is she chooses not to remember the good times......at least she's not going to bring it up. That would be a point for the other team (in her POV).
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Yep, she got very sick late last year, I looked after her, and the kids non stop for nearly 3 months. Now she is telling me she resents me for that and that she's a strong and independent woman and I took that way from her by helping out so much. What was I supposed to do at that point, abandon her?
She does want to leave the marriage but then I make an attempt to GAL and join a meetup socialising group, and she gets all jealous assuming that I'm going to start dating. It's just impossible to know what to do...
I make an attempt to GAL and join a meetup socialising group, and she gets all jealous assuming that I'm going to start dating. It's just impossible to know what to do...
Do this.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
The thing is there is no sign of OM, complete cell, Email, and facebook transparency. If she even thinks I'm dating (something I have no intention of doing), she'll probably start doing it too,leading to an open marriage. considering we are stuck under the same roof that would be a disaster.
Any newbies out there reading this - DO NOT MAKE MY MISTAKE. Shortly after W left, and before OM, there was still a chance for W and I to reconcile - but I did not follow DB. I did it half heartedly. I still pursued, chased, was needy, etc. It only pushes them away. I honestly believe that if I would've given her the space she asked for on her terms and I GAL, she would've been more open to reconciling in the beginning. When I look back at my journal it is obvious - I did not listen to the advice I was given and lost my chance. If there is already OM by the time you get to this forum, it is extremely difficult if not impossible to reconcile. GAL and move on!
There was no OM at first for my W and I lost my chance. Don't make my mistake.
I made the same mistake early on, although I think she was in it to fail to be honest. I did have 2 weeks where I put my kids to bed everynight though (at her POSH).
I guess there is always a chance, I see tank has possibly won one for the good guys, TimeHeals certainly has.
M-38 W-37 T-16,M-11 (Oct 30,1999) S-5 S-2 Wife left 7/4/2010
"When life hands you a lemon, say, 'Oh yeah, I like lemons! What else ya got?" — Henry Rollins
I had a really, really bad day today. Couldn't get any work done. Felt like I was having a nervous breakdown. W actually had the nerve to text me this morning. I just ignored it. She acts like this is no big deal for her, us, or D3. When sis-in-law called yesterday to b!#@h at me she also told me that she is worried about D3 b/c D3 doesn't want anything to do with other men, that she is scared of them. And my problem why? She doesn't act that way when around me. She is fine with all my friends.
Still have times when I think I should just start dating again. But I feel ridiculous doing that. I also feel like I'd be disrespecting D3. So, I figure I'll be the one taking the high road - continue to be the good guy. W's other sis (who actually is kind of sensible) is already thinking W snapped and is completely wrong. Either way, I think OM will definitely screw my W over. After all he did it to his first marriage, now pursued my W while she was vulnerable.
Still not completely sure why I keep posting. Guess it helps to have a support group. Anybody want to join my posse?
KEM, that maybe one of the freaking most stupid things I ever heard....scared of other men with her Mom, no sh!t! No wonder they think the are right, the posse just makes it so normal for them.
They really think this is no big deal for the kids.
I have no clue of what POSOM's past is in my status, I imagine it's just like yours.
Where's the application for the posse? Considering the other person in mine has been dead 50 years, it's not much of a help.
M-38 W-37 T-16,M-11 (Oct 30,1999) S-5 S-2 Wife left 7/4/2010
"When life hands you a lemon, say, 'Oh yeah, I like lemons! What else ya got?" — Henry Rollins
Why do we continue to love for our WAWs when they don't seem to care? And when its against our better judgement? When they are hurtng us. We see our children and know the damage its doing to them and will cause them in the future. I've got to remember, that no matter how much I keep wanting to contact W and try to reason with her she will not listen so it does no good. I've let her go and detached physically, but emotionally it is a neverending battle.
So, I have not been communicating with W since officially finding out about OM.
Then today, she reaches out in text venting to me about several things that she thinks is wrong with me. So, I respond in an email to her - unfortunately, I threw in some past R talk - but mainly about making sure D3 is cared for.
Then she calls me and talks about wanting to be friends and going to coparenting counseling. Then remarks about how what I said in my email shows I haven't really changed. That all my talk about changing and the things I've done in other areas to change are just that - and they aren't the changes she is 'looking' for. Looking for? What? You're still looking for me to change? So, I just listened - we laughed a little at our differences and then she said she will reply to my email with the same way I worded my email (she said jokingly). But she wants to send it to show me how it sounds from the other end. What does is matter? She's gone with OM anyway and defending him. I can't be friends with someone in that position.
