I love my wife. It was just one of the reasons that I wanted to make my life with her that wa enjoyed an intense sexual component to our relationship - and I have always been a sexually motivated individual. It is all the other perhaps more important reasons for marrying her that have kept us together. From the time after after the birth of our first child she has shown little or no sexual interest in me and my eldest son is 16 now. Frequency of sexual intimacy fell from twice or thrice daily consistently over the couple of years B4 he was born to now perhaps once monthly and our miismathced libidos are a long term source of tension and argument. She suffers from a bad back after an accident sustained during that same pregnancy - and I am sure that the life of pain management and bedrest that she is limited to is a contributary factor. Her dissability limits the other ways that she could perhaps show her love for me - the practical care in our marriage is a one way street. Earlier this year her ex from 30 years ago got back in touch. He was her first love and ended their 6 month relationship with greener grass syndrome when they were 18. Their growing friendship which has never been hidden from me - all done out in the open as it were has been mainly conducted through emails. He is primarily seeking a mental connection that he does not find with his wife who attends marriage guidance counselling with him. This has all been OK with me. Just about. They met up and my wife took our eldest daughter with her as chaparone. He came to our house and stayed overnight in the spare room. Nice guy. Liked him. Still OK. Now they want to meet up out of town to see a film, stay overnight and then go to an art exhibition (both probably not my kind of thing) His wife knows nothing of these meetings past and planned. I have expressed my discomfort at this escalation but my wife is angry at `not being trusted' . How far does trust reach. Out of town ? Same Hotel ? Same room ? Its not that I think they plan adultry - but my fear is that the appropriate boundaries, crossed before albeit long ago, could slip. My wife swears that she loves me and that she has never looked at another man.
I'm sorry you are here. Mixed signals in your post. However, it sounds like an affair. No offense, but it's TOO convenient. You can't accept an open marriage and accept a lasting "good" marriage too.
Obviously your here because your "gut" tells you something is wrong. It's not uncommon and you are not alone. What exactly do you wish to achieve right now?
Their growing friendship which has never been hidden from me - all done out in the open as it were has been mainly conducted through emails. He is primarily seeking a mental connection that he does not find with his wife who attends marriage guidance counselling with him. This has all been OK with me. Just about. They met up and my wife took our eldest daughter with her as chaparone. He came to our house and stayed overnight in the spare room. Nice guy. Liked him. Still OK. Now they want to meet up out of town to see a film, stay overnight and then go to an art exhibition (both probably not my kind of thing) His wife knows nothing of these meetings past and planned. I have expressed my discomfort at this escalation but my wife is angry at `not being trusted' .
Go ask your best male friend what he thinks of this?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Thx for the responses. What am I trying to achieve right now ? I am looking for someone less emotionally involved than I to take a more objective look at the scenario that I find myself in and consider whether my anxiety is paranoia and I should give my wife space to enrich her life by the mutual enjoyment of things that I cannot share with her in quite the same way as another, or if doing so constitutes serious risk of passively `allowing' her to wander into territory where there is real danger of an affair.
I do not have any friends who I feel I can discuss this with - that is why I am reaching out.
Do lots of LSD partners rediscover their desire in the arms of another ?
Earlier this year her ex from 30 years ago got back in touch. He was her first love and ended their 6 month relationship with greener grass syndrome when they were 18. Their growing friendship which has never been hidden from me - all done out in the open as it were has been mainly conducted through emails. He is primarily seeking a mental connection that he does not find with his wife who attends marriage guidance counselling with him. This has all been OK with me.
And now you're reaping what you sowed there. Big mistake.
So no, you're not being paranoid. You're allowing an open marriage.
I don't know what LSD stands for. There is no place in a marriage for another person of the opposite sex. Especially, to the degree of what is going on. A mental connection sounds like an emotional affair.
Her protesting is one of the first signs of something more, if you read the countless stories on these boards.
What do you want to accomplish as Faith asked you?
Research shows that's how most affairs start. Other than one-night-stands, most affairs -- esp. those by married women -- don't begin nefariously. Almost always, the woman TRUTHFULLY says that she didn't intend for it to happen, and that they started out "as just friends," and then the emotional bond deepens and -- blammo! -- she's in trouble.
