IMHO,I think the WAW has shut down her feeling toward the LBH. By feelings, I'm speaking of sexual attraction & respect. I believe those two things are necessary for a healthy MR. Many WAW's still care for the H (in like she doesn't want him to suffer, but she just wants to be left alone to have her A).
I believe in many cases, the feelings of the WAW toward her H has been shut down before OM came on the scene. That makes her very vulnerable to an A. When she gets in the A she feels like a high school girl again. I believe at that point, she mentally/emotionally separates her H and puts him, M, kids, etc., in a separate catagory.
Some people claim they can love two people at the same time, but I believe most women are not wired to do that. If her brain is flooded with those false chemicals of being in love....that is going to be what she will think about over most anyone else.
After I stopped the EA and I made my decision to stay in the M, I did not instantly have feelings (the right kind of feelings) for my H. I was still dealing with a lot of resentment toward him and grieving the fantasy in my EA. But, I think it is possible for a W to go back into the M having a numbness toward her H.
At first, the W has to choose to do lovings acts on purpose and not b/c she feels like it. That's really hard for her and the H,but it's like re-training her to be his W again.
I wrote a post on another thread yesterday about feelings. It's hard for a woman to separate herself from the feelings. However, when the WAW leaves an A and makes the decision to stay with her H....she's got to overcome the urge to let the feelings "rule" her. The whole A was acted out from feelings. She was feeling numb "before"the A and that's why her heart was unprotected.
I am living proof that you can get over OM and you can find your way back to your H and have the right feelings for him.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
