I think you offer up really interesting perspective, and I hope you keep posting. Even though you might not get a direct response, people do read... keep posting.
Newlywed:
I'm an LDer. I'll take a shot at answering your questions.
What goes through your mind when your spouse asks for sex?
Depends on how we've been interacting outside of the bedroom prior to being asked. If there has been good give and take between us, and my needs are in relative good order, then when he asks for sex, then I can be game.
What goes through your mind when you know you've hurt your spouse?
Probably pretty much the same things as yours when you know you've hurt your spouse in some way.
Do you think about sex a lot?
Nope. Not usually.
Do you find other ways to satisfy the urges that you DO have?
LOL! No, not usually... I have, though. I don't experience 'urges' the way you do, so this is almost like asking an apple what it feels like to be an orange...
A place where I think many HDrs get off track is in thinking something is 'wrong' with their spouse, and projecting that onto them. Then the LDr interprets these critical actions and words into a belief that there is in fact something wrong with them, they begin to doubt the authenticity of the love their partner claims to have for them, and they curl up in such a ball of failure, they don't even want to try.
When really what I think is going on is that LDs speak greek, HDs speak French, neither realizes they aren't speaking the same language, and they both wonder why in the hell they can't communicate.
So you either need to learn enough greek to teach your husband some french, or vice versa.
