what a weight has been lifted off my shoulders!! This agony of not knowing what he's thinking or wanting to do has been killing me! But now that he has told me i feel strangly disconnected! And wooonderful...oh God, i hope this feeling lasts.
So,sent him an email saying i dont want to reconcile. I just wanted honesty. So for the first time he wrote back...
He was at the point where he wanted to drive his car off a cliff literally. And had to go. He had a period of acting out, and dated a few people. One of which I think he took very seriously, and not sure if he still is, makes it sound like he's not, but he says he 'owes' here a hike . She took him on one in her country, and he promised to return the favour.
He has thought about reconcilliation a million times but the thought of going back to feeling suicidal terrifies him.
He says he feels that subconsciouly hes probably already started trying to get back to me thats why he wants to spend more timne together. And enjoys it.
Didnt say he wanted to reconcile, but didnt say he wanted to split, which is what I asked him in the email. Said I needed to move forward.
Very much still in MLC...
The weird thing is, I feel a bit disconnected now, after finding out for sure about the dating etc...
I don't feel like I'm 'his' anymore. And that ofcourse is brilliant, but everything looks a bit different now
He says he wants more out of life, more sex, more interaction, more LIFE.
He says I was supressing this in him over all these years. Hmmmm, only because he wasnt upfront that he actually WANTED these things. He stayed quiet so aas not to hurt me. I would literally have jumped off a cliff for the man, had he asked.
Anyway, just updating everyone. Feel nice now....free.
