These things don't let you edit anymore..Anyway, it sounds like the new lady is interesting and fun. Stay away from STBXW, but be cordial when you do see her. Let your lawyers talk. Its going to be expensive but sometimes you have to pay to get your life back. Throughout all of this, she has not given any indication of being "nice" when the divorce is actually a reality. Everything she has said and done shows that she is going to fight to get everything she can, including child custody. Future, she is looking out for her own interests, bottom line. As long as you remain in this neverland and you are feeding her ego with the idea that you are waiting around for her to come back, its worth it to her to play nice to get the ego fed. But once the divorce becomes a reality, she is going to fight you tooth and nail. Your best bet is NOT to negotiate with her--she is just toying with you, Future, because she needs a mirror. Why would she take any less than she is entitled to under state law? Either offer her what she is entitled to under the law, and leave the lawyers out of it to save money, or don't talk to her at all and only let your lawyers talk. You aren't going to charm her into anything less than State law anyway--its she who is trying to do the charming of YOU, but when the divorce is real, forget about it. My XH and I went to a mediator--nothing was relevant except state law. We asked him how he thought a judge would rule on X and Y, and Z and agreed to abide by his decision...
