"Pilotboy, I enjoyed our conversation last night, but having had some quiet reflection time, I don't think we would be a good match. I wish you well on your journey!"
And do NOT read any mail he might reply with, or answer the phone.
People who are going to meetings that often (and it is probably more; the trend would be to average down), really need time to do the work on themselves. A DUI in Feb shows he still has a ways to go (he could have not only killed himself, but others around him).
DO NOT FEEL BAD about this!!! You have never met him - he is a grown-up - and life will go on.
if someone is in recovery, they would tell him to wait a year before even beginning a new relationship.
RED FLAG...... listen to yourself.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
ok so I know not to see him but I have to find a way to let him know I am not interested.
Thanks for reassuring me about talking and that it wasn't leading him on. We were throwing around times for meeting on Saturday. He wanted to meet tonight and I said "no, I can't..." without having a really good reason (couldn't meet after 7:30). So he asked about Saturday and he said he wasn't sure of the details yet. He asked me what time would work for me so I did give him an answer, like "after 5" but I need to come up with a pat response to avoid these kinds of traps! 'let me think about it and get back to you' might work...
So what if I did this tonight: don't answer the phone when he calls (I could seriously go to bed in an hour anyway)
text him to let him know that I think we are in different places in our life and I am not interested in pursuing anything further.
what do you think???? OR
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Follow Donna's wording! Too many red flags newmama! You're an employed mother with a baby...you don't have space in your life to take on someone else's problems. Talking about future relationship that quickly is a huge red flag. YOu want someone grounded in your life, not a flake. Gotta be RUTHLESS about weeding out guys who aren't right for you. I know it's hard
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Where is Donna's wording? How do I word my rejection to him?
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
"Pilotboy, I enjoyed our conversation last night, but having had some quiet reflection time, I don't think we would be a good match. I wish you well on your journey!"
Send it through the email - use the one provided by the dating site if that is all you have - don't text, don't answer the phone.
Anyone who pushes you to meet that quickly, tell them that you'd like to get to know them a bit better first, so you have something to talk about. Honestly, if they push about ANYthing, run, don't walk, away. No way to start any kind of relationship. Remember, when you first meet people, you are teaching each other how you want to be treated. NEVER say yes to something that you don't want to do!
Newmama, no matter what you do with a guy, you need to give yourself permission to pull the plug at any time if it's not working for you unless there is a serious commitment. Don't worry about "leading on". You are worrying too much about the guy's feelings here -- you've never even met him! Worry about YOU and how YOU're feeling.
A decent man will be respectful of your decision...only a jerk would try to make you feel bad by saying you've "led him on" etc.
When stopped seeing Guitarist to pursue M, I hated doing it. We had had a wonderful date the night before and I knew that things had gone too far and I had to pick one. Guitarist was disappointed but incredibly gracious about it. His response to unexpected rejection spoke volumes about his good character.
I think you're going to need to consciously work on letting go of DBing and excessive focus on the man. This is a time to be selfish and listen to your gut and feelings.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Flowmom, I think you hit it on the head. It is hard to go from DBing and focusing on our spouses and to change the focus from others to ourselves.
NM - Just do what feels right. I know there are many on this site who swear by going with your gut instinct. I know whenever something happened, I always knew, whether it was gut instinct or me picking up on his vibes, I don't know, but if I would have listened to that it would have saved me a lot of heart ache. Really listen to your gut and don't be worried about just saying I am not interested, just like you want guys to do to you. Don't give specifics, but say thank you and it was nice talking, but I am not interested.
Hope you have a great weekend!
Me29 S3 H left 4/1/09 I file 8/2/10 Divorce final 5/17/11 1st http://www.tinyurl.com/25lhu52 2nd http://www.tinyurl.com/2c35ueg 3rd http://www.tinyurl.com/322yk89
