The difference 3 months has made in my life

[TAMF]

Holy cow - I haven't posted since 10/22! Lots going on in my life, and my laptop has crashed at home. Only time I have on a computer is at work and I am ramping up for an event so I haven't had much extra time on the computer.

If a certain friend would stop texting me I might be able to actually type something! LOL!!!!

Anyway, my H and I have been spending LOTS of time together. We have talked about everything. He is talking about coming back but he doesn't know how. He has so much presure on him...his family issues, his mom, our kids, me, the OW, guilt, fear of hurting more people. He is standing perfectly still because he doesn't know what tunnel to go down. Cause no matter what tunnel he chooses, he hurts someone. He had a long talk with D12 last night. niether one of them told me details, just that it was a good talk. D left the conversation with hope that we are going to get back together...that scares the hell out of me because what if we don't? When I questioned H about it, he said that there is hope. But I am like a protective bear with my cubs - I don't want them to get hurt.

D12 said to me, "I am scared mommy, I feel like daddy is coming back to us and I am scared that you don't want him anymore." I told her that I still want our relationship to work, but I am cautious. I don't want to get hopeful and then get hurt.

I have a friend that is going through a divorce because her husband is having an affair. He stopped giving her money - she can't make her house payments. Had to drop her internet and cell phone and can't make her son's car insurance payments (he is a senior in HS). Today on her son's FB page he wrote:

so basically, the bitch that my dad is with now can suck my d@*k, and when shes done, my dad can have his turn, cause he is the biggest piece of crap i've ever known, hands down.

I read this and felt so sick...he used to be so close to his dad. This will live with him the rest of his life. His mom is so very bitter and angry. I can't reach her...she has disappeared into a world of revenge and hatred.

When I see this situation happening before my eyes, I think to myself how lucky I am that my H - ALTHOUGH with another woman - has not done anything whatsoever with our finances. He doesn't spend any money. He spends so much time with our girls. Comes over to the house and does laundry and takes out the trash, cleans the leaves off the driveway and deck. We don't fight at all. We are still able to sit next to each other at our Ds volleyball game. My sitch is messed up , but it could be so much worse.

Now granted, he just recently started doing most of these things, but my financial status has always been good and never in jepardy.

He has asked to take me to dinner for my birthday this weekend when he is home from work. I told him okay. We will see what happens.

by the way...thank you to all of my friends that I have made on this site! Without you all, I might have ended up like my friend all bitter and angry. With your help, I have been able to reach deep inside to discover a new level of compassion and forgiveness. It has made me a better person. someone that I am proud of, and I know my girls can be proud of too.