been trying to let her go... I was cool when I thought her relationship was over but now that I know its not I am not detached anymore.
You don't need to be detached. You need to think about your values, your goals, and then plan on how to honor and achieve them. Detaching can help, as it'll prevent your emotions from clouding your judgement, but it's not a necessity.
A wise man once said "Do the right thing, as if Jesus himself were standing next to you."
"I have decided I will not share my wife with another man. If you do not cut off all contact immediately then I will do what I need to do in order to protect myself, up to and including filing for divorce."
Then just take one day at a time and sprinkle in patience. It took me two months to be in a position where I feel as though I am detached enough to endure this BS and my stbxw went totally dark, which helped me to detach. Good luck Judo we are all here to lend our support!
First came those gosh darned gratitude lists that I made every single day (I am thankful for dryer sheets, the way a dusty field smells when rain first sprinkles across it, the way my dogs look at me when they want something, being able to wipe my own butt, walking is cool too, fresh air is the best thing ever, cold water on a hot day, hot chocolate on a cold day, sugar-free red bull once a day).
Then came my fascination with watching old Cary Grant movies. I liked how he played the roles. He was always cool and even sometimes chipper and smiling when he stood up to a woman in the roles that called for that sort of thing, and his eyes even smiled when he was engaging in the witty banter.
I started practicing that. First on store clerks, and then on co-workers, and then on random strangers.
Then... came "Gosh darn it, I am going to be OK, better than OK really, I am going to be happy ... so sad you're not.
I sometimes forget lessons learned along the way, and when I do I think, time to make those lists and break out a Cary Grant movie.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Natural feeling. But life is no longer status quo. I truly believe you will feel much better once you hand off that letter and walk out the door. I know I felt a ton better After I told my XW to find a new place. I was getting alot of the same treatment you are now. I finally had it.
