All I got from your post is that you saw the words "Divorce busting" written on a scrap of paper some time ago. From this, you have deduced that he is 1) lurking and 2) never doing any DB work himself and 3) trying to sabatage your DB efforts...
I don't think he's lurking now, I don't think it matters if he is, and I don't see how it could sabatage your efforts at GAL or having a PMA (Positive mental attitude is a major issue for you if you don't mind my saying so. You definitely "catastrophize" a lot). You need to change the tape in your brain into a postiive one and if that's a cultural thing for you, then you may need to do it even more.
The rest is about your fears of abandonment (in life and on this board). Not much we can do about that but respond to your posts if there's something to respond to. I strongly believe that acting out of your fears can often lead to the very things you fear most, coming true. For instance, who fear loss of wealth so much that they can end up "saving their money" by putting it in "risk free" investments and losing a fortune. Or they are suspciious of their spouses... And people who are so conflict avoidant (fear of abandonment?) that they put off discussion of meaningful differences, or dance around them, OR hope their partner will read their minds, often do the avoidance until those differences have festered so long without airing, that they boil and then explode and the very modest conflict they avoided, instead is now a huge out of control FIGHT...
What is it you want from us at this point? I feel as if you'll argue if we suggest a positive spin on things, b/c you see no such thing. So I hesitate. Maybe you are right. Maybe it is hopeless. But where does that leave you and us here? YOu want to do the work but when I talk about "real" issues you remain vague or pick and choose what you'll discuss. Everyone has their limit on disclosure but it's hard to connect or help without detail of what matters. Your claim your h now cares a lot about money (or you now notice it) is based on what exactly? You provide no details to justify that claim, and all we know for sure is that money was a huge issue for you. Your fears he'd be like your dad & waste money lead you to be controlling about money and to keep it more separate than any couple I've heard of.
Is it possible there's some projecting going on. How's your IC going?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
