Should I say I love you? Part II

[MakingProgress]

I'm on phone with my attorney now. He's telling me there isn't much I can do while shes in the same house.

In most jurisdictions you can't remove a spouse from the home unless their is some kind of threat/abuse.

However, that doesn't mean that you can't tell her that if she intends to carry on with this man she should have the decency to vacate. You also might want to consider (carefully) the option of exposing, etc., and certainly curtailing your interaction with her.

[TimeHeals]

It's not a dig.

The book, to its credit on those pages, does refer you to the Last Resort Technique. What about pages 219 & 220?

[pinhead]

Judo,

You may not "legally" be able to do much to get her to move out, but there's a world of things you can do that'll make her move out.

[JudoScott]

Ok he says I can file for something called a Constructive Desertion of Marriage which means we're living in the same house but she's not living up to her obligations. That gets the ball rolling on a divorce.

[JudoScott]

It's not a dig.

The book, to its credit on those pages, does refer you to the Last Resort Technique. What about pages 219 & 220?

I am doing the LRT right now.

[JudoScott]

I have only been doing the LRT for a few weeks. The book never says anything about ultimatums but you guys do.

WTF do I do.

[MrBond]

LRT means that you agree with her on the D and then you continue to GAL.

For one thing, calm down. I know it's really tough, but you've got to start taking things one thing at a time.

You got the information from the L. Now just hold onto it and give it to your W if she asks for it. Right now you're too available to her. I know it's hard, but start treating her like a roommate. Start detaching.

[TimeHeals]

Me, personally, I never say a word about ultimatums.

I do say to know who you are and what your own healthy boundaries are, and if push comes to shove you protect yourself from people who don't recognize those boundaries.

That part should come pretty natural for people with high self-esteem once they've recovered from the whole shock and awe of learning about an affair.

So... you have to decide what you are willing to tollerate and what effects that is having on you, your family, and your marriage.

I have watched and read things from people who literally endured this stuff for years--constant deception, outright verbal and emotional abuse, and so on--and for the most part, they have a very, very, very hard time getting past their anger and hurt.

A good man (or woman) has got to know his limitations. Know your values, treat people with respect and respect yourself, and if neccessary, you protect yourself... because we don't want you to be a bitter, angry, resentful person who goes through the rest of his life with a chip on his shoulder.

[JudoScott]

I AM

I haven't done squat for her, I have all the money, I don't know if I should continue like this and let her keep doing what ever.

[JudoScott]

Thanks TH.