Oh you mean the dating other people while your an LBS lesson? Or the divorce them into loving me lesson? Or the I don't need to change, I'm a goshdamn prince/princess they should change lesson?
How about the confrontation lesson? Or the "let them eat cake" lesson? Or maybe the this'll be over by <insert arbitrary date> lesson .....
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Quick note ... there are two of us with screen names that are close .. I am PEI and there is a Pie ... just clarifying in case you are trying to find my threads
Or in case you're ydscxile...I mean dyslexic.
If she's dyslexic she'll never make it through my tome!
I found your tome and printed out for a bit of "lite" reading. Nice to know I'm not the only chatterbox on here! : )
Chatterbox? Awww ... that's the nicest thing anybody on here's said about me in a while Jack? You hear that? She called me a chatter box.
Did you really print all 6 threads?
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Oh you mean the dating other people while your an LBS lesson? Or the divorce them into loving me lesson? Or the I don't need to change, I'm a goshdamn prince/princess they should change lesson?
How about the confrontation lesson? Or the "let them eat cake" lesson? Or maybe the this'll be over by <insert arbitrary date> lesson .....
To be honest, it's that second line of lessons I am struggling with. I'm really just now detaching in a real way, but I have a long way to go.
At least since deciding it may be MLC, I have let go of the deadlines I would set. Thinking of this more of a developmental stage helped with that. Now I think of it about the same way I thought of toilet training. It will be messy, expect setbacks, and it'll be done when its done - all on someone else's timeline. Oh yes, and the harder you try, the longer it takes.
Thinking of this more of a developmental stage helped with that. Now I think of it about the same way I thought of toilet training. It will be messy, expect setbacks, and it'll be done when its done - all on someone else's timeline. Oh yes, and the harder you try, the longer it takes.
I love that ^^^^.
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Thanks! And yes, I printed it all. May have to skim through a bit or it will take me all week. I was just getting close to finishing all my "homework" assignments!
I still need to read "why they run" and go through all the resource threads. And PEI's treads now. I'm still processing a lot too, so no questions yet.
Going through all this stuff though, especially about MLC and childhood trauma got me thinking. Also, my IC was commenting on how well I was doing at keeping to my plan and doing what works. It got me thinking, and I realized that I have spent the last three years studdying up to become a foster parent. This is really the same thing.
I have read, and read, and read about things like interpreting emotions in nonverbal children, attachment disorders, creating an emotionally safe environment, how long it can take for a hurt child to attach to a safe caregiver (think years, not days or even months), and how children redirect anger to new caregivers.
Then there is how kids rework their grief at each developmental phase because they can now understand and process the same information in a new way.
Or... how about how a child will lash out the most with the people they feel safe with. Partly to test how safe you REALY are, but also because they do feel safe with you.
I have also read and read and read about how traditional parenting doesn't work for these kids and can even make the problems worse. I researched what style of parenting does work too.
MLC it starting to feel a lot like the same subject.
Good news is that DBing very similar to what I have been learning the last few years. Just that my "kid" is a lot older and bigger than I planned. Oh, yea, and my husband isn't helping me with this "kid" like I thought he would.
Think I may go pull out my books on dealing with traumatized children again...
My "me" list for the weekend... 1. Set up my art space. 2. Go for a run with the local running club. 3. Finish reading my homework. 4. Let D & me get some rest and get over these colds. 5. Take D and hang out with the big cousins. 6. Get something to display D3's artwork in the playroom. 7. Don't worry about H. 8. Get some books that are NOT about saving my R with H.\
Its a big list, but H has little D3 for tonight, so I think I can handle it. : )
