Just wanted to let you know that I did text H and his response was "oh well". I'm not paying a penny.
Then H went on to say he was dropping me and my S20 from his benefits. I asked why and his response was, well the D will be over Nov. 6th anyway so I'm dropping the both of you off on the 10th. I asked H to please keep us on because I can't afford benefits here at work, and this was the only way I was surviving.
H's response was "oh well", again. So anyway I called my lawyer and he told me that H couldn't do that and that he would call domestic relations and let them know about the court order from Feb. 09 that he was to supply the benefits on all of us.
I decided to call H and ask if we could work something out so we didn't have to go to court again. He was angry at first, then he was joking around saying we couldn't get together that night because he was watching his girlfriend's child. I just said ok, and to let me know when we can get together to discuss the financial stuff. Then he says to me that he was only kidding he isn't watching anyone and that he's not seeing anyone, but he needed to go to bed cause he had to go to work very early. Talk about head games.....but I didn't react like I would have in the past with crying or anything. Just said ok, and that I had to go and goodbye.
Well, domestic relations messed up in Aug. 09 when we had to go back to court for our D14's braces cause H said she didn't need them and he wasn't paying anything for them. H was furious in the hearing. Anyway he has to pay 60% and I have to pay 40% every month. They attached his wages and added it to the child support he pays. But they didn't put the paragraph in from the older order that he is to supply the benefits. My lawyer tried to get it fixed over the phone but no luck. So off to court again and H is furious again.
H had filed for a no-fault Jan. 09 within 2 months after leaving. That day I got the papers I called him and asked why, and why didn't he let me know. He said he was just mad that day and he didn't want it. So he thinks that on Nov. 6th (2 years of separation), the D will be final.
Well, he must have contacted a lawyer, I should say a new one because his other one dropped him because of his lies as far as drinking and driving with our D14 in the car and not following the rules in the custody agreement. Because now he is saying that the D will be final Jan. 22nd, which is not true either.
But 25, I do get child support I took H after 4 weeks after separation. Anyway, he was so mad about the hearing that he called yelling at me so I told him that I was hanging up if he couldn't be civil. So I had to hang up on him.
Then just Tuesday night he calls again and is a little cocky but not as angry, and I asked about the loan this month and he said he didn't know if he was going to pay on it or not. Then he goes off about the hearing coming up and so on. When speaking to him on the phone he goes from being ok, to joking, to trying to get me jealous, to getting angry all within a few minutes time.
I told him that I didn't want to take him back to court but he never contacted me about discussing the issue so I didn't have a choice. That I can't go without benefits and can't afford to pick them up here at work. I calmly asked him if he was going to pay on the loan again this month because it was late again and they are charging us fees everyday it's late. He said he will see, cause he needs to get a lawyer for the hearing and then got angry so I told him I needed to get off the phone because I don't deserve to be talked to that way and I wasn't putting up with it. He calms down and asked a question about our D14 then within seconds he comes off that he is involved with someone and that once his ex-girlfriend from 16 years ago leaves her H they are going to get back together. WOW!! They broke up because she was cheating on him right before she got pregnant for the 2nd time and he wasn't sure the child was his and had him tested and everything. He called her every name in the book, never got along with her....you name it, his family wouldn't even allow her in the house when they were dating. So all I said was that I had a funny feeling he wanted to go back with the ex-girlfriend and he got mean and said yeah right you know nothing. I'm not involved with anyone, and I'm not getting back with her but we are best friends now. All of us are best friends, her husband, me and her. I just said, well that's nice I have to go and I hung up.
With the DBusting thing and yes, I read the book I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't as far as my sitch goes with my H.
So anyway my emotions got the best of me I got so angry for the first time in so long, and I got sick and tired of being upset and texted him that I can now move on and not worry about my vows and could have sooner if he would had let me know that he was seeing someone (against Dbusting), I told him that I didn't think he would ever grow up, and that all he worries is about money and himself. I told him to man up and help the family he left with nothing. And then said how him and both sides of his family are two faced. They all claimed they hated the ex and now love her and welcome her into their homes and what a joke all of them are. I thanked him for telling me the truth and said I finally feel free and also told him he wouldn't ever hear from me again no matter what!
I also blocked his number so he couldn't text back or call. Do I regret it now? YES, but a person could only put up with so much. I did the nice thing for so long, and it was like he was taking advantage of me, and would throw digs in whenever he wanted to, and made me upset a lot, he had full control of me and I let that happen! This went totally against Dbusting, and also Standing for my M. I might as well as give up on trying to Dbust for a long while although I will still Stand for my M. I will just take day by day because God is the only one that can turn this around. The hearing is on the 8th but my lawyer said he will go and that I don't have to be there. I told him I didn't want to see him because I know how angry he is going to be and I can't handle it, I'm too fragile. Do I wish I could be like everyone else on this board? YES, YES, YES, but I'm sorry I can't be. I had a breakdown and was out of work for 3 weeks, I guess this is only for the strong because I'm very very weak and 25 is right. I haven't got anywhere at all in the past 2years. Years ago, I believe I could have handled this better but for some reason I can't, I believe it is because I was never alone before and Standing for my M and Dbusting you don't date or anything like that. Not that I even have the urge to do so.
25, if my H would have died instead of leaving like he did I really believe I could have moved on a lot faster and better. The reason is because I would have believed that he loved me and that's what counts the most. Hearing from him that he hates me and just 2 weeks prior when we were discussing the benefit thing he threw in there something about us getting together again (cake eating, if you know what I mean), and then said he couldn't go through that again and never mind. I didn't say a word to any of it. I know that I would try my hardest not to go there because I hurt soooo much after we were together in March, and a friend of mine said he must have too, or he wouldn't have brought it up and then said he couldn't go through that again.
Thanks everyone for your responses and all of your advice and for being there for me, but I lost the game. I just can't do this anymore. I stayed off of the board for a while thinking that would help also, but nope. Nothing helps the pain. I thought this was all about busting your divorce, not moving on with someone else if it doesn't work.
One last thing 25, I did always thank him when he paid on the loan. I even thanked him ahead of time for paying 1/2 of D14's soccer and telling her that he was going to buy us groceries and guess what happened? He didn't go through with it. I really believe my sitch is soooo different from everyone else. Because like I said before, no matter how I act H is not satisfied at all and goes from personality to personality in minutes, sometimes seconds.
It's like my H is mentally ill or something awful. I contact him about loan he gets mad, I don't contact him he gets mad. He isn't the same person, he is a very angry person towards me. He hates me and there is nothing I can do to change that, Dbusting can't make him even like me. All I have is God now. I am in a very dark place and want to get out, but it is very very hard to do.
