I have been following this thread with interest. For the record, I have been separated for about 9 years, divorced for four. I did do some online dating just after the D. E-harmony, Match, Chemistry and OK Cupid. Each site has it's pros and cons, and each site produced it's own personal disaster for me! Funny stories now, and truly educational. More on those later.
I did briefly date one guy on and off for about half a year. Turns out he was NOT ready for a LTR and he gave me the boot.
Are you looking for a LTR? Are you wounded from your D? I sure am/was. Feeling really great about myself now. And I think that is one key to attracting a positive mate.
The whole dating more than one person at a time thing is awkward for me as well, but it seems to be universally recommended. The purpose of this is to:
Learn about yourself
Learn about others
Try new things
Have fun!
By dating multiple people you have a chance to see how you react. Going outside of your comfort zone will allow you to stretch yourself in new ways. You don't know what you don't know. So, for example, if you previously dated only intellectual, bookish types, you might find that a contractor who really gets you and enjoys the same kind of activities might be more your style. Dating should be casual in the beginning. I know we all miss the intimacy that comes with a committed partner. (I sure do!) but holding off on that will help keep your head clear to evaluate your dates on how they stack up. You want someone whose core values match yours. You want someone committed and responsible and loving. And if you get those endorphins flowing too early in the process you WON'T have a clear head. Now this is the advice I have read in about a thousand relationship books.
I haven't dipped my toes back into the dating pool yet. It takes a LOT of time! I am busy GAL-ing and getting my ducks in a row. I am finding that as I get happier and clearer I am getting more and more compliments and second looks from all TYPES of guys. When the time comes for me to start again, I will be in a much better place to enjoy the process, and I will attract a GREAT man for the next phase of my life.
Remember, a date is just a date. This is hard for a lot of us to wrap our heads around. I think it is perfectly fine to have dinner with someone, and take some time to get to know them. If the sparks aren't flying, then it is also perfectly all right to say, "Thanks for dinner, I had a great time, but I just wasn't feeling it..." (Or something along those lines...)
Keeping that part friendly could possibly result in that person referring you to a friend of theirs. You could reciprocate. Then you are also going outside of the online world and doing the F-to-F thing as well.
Survival Goddess "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker
