Has anyone else have something happen where started to second guess themselves?
Seriously? If you don't second guess yourself every now and then when going through this stuff, you're not human, you're Vulcan.
That doesn't mean you spin from decision to decision like a Pinhead (err pinwheel), but it's perfectly normal to wonder if you're making the correct decisions especially since some of the strategies are so counter-intuitive.
Thanks, I was cruising along, not happy about where I am going, but going. It was easy to do NC, she wanted it more than I did.
She is so wrapped up with POSOM, she shows no signs of any emotion towards me.
I just feel beat up.
M-38 W-37 T-16,M-11 (Oct 30,1999) S-5 S-2 Wife left 7/4/2010
"When life hands you a lemon, say, 'Oh yeah, I like lemons! What else ya got?" — Henry Rollins
Hey LIL, so sorry you are here. This is a hard place to be, I know it.
Just because you filed doesn't have to mean you can't wait some more. IDK what you really want out of this anymore, if you are just done or if you are willing to wait and watch this blow-up in her face, because that is what is likely to happen.
Just try to relax (impossible, I know) and get yourself out of the house. Go find some friends or neighbors or someone to talk to. I just go have a beer with my neighbor or sit at a local tavern for 1/2 hour and chat with the bartender for a bit. You have to do something to get your mind off of this stuff or you will go insane.
I don't really have any other advice for you at the moment, but your situation seems pretty extreme. I'm surprised that more vets haven't chimed in on your thread.
My W blew up on me in January and then waited for the kids to get out of school in June to file. We continued living together until August, when I agreed to move out of the house as part of the temporary agreement. I have my kids on Wed nights and every other Fri, Sat and Sun nites. We have a court date tomorrow that should change that to every Wed & Thur and every other Fri & sat nite and sunday day. We have to get the support payments adjusted for the change in kids nights. We will also be scheduling our final D hearing tomorrow. The the real fun can start. What to do with the house. I want to sell it, she wants to stay, but she won't be able to afford it. She is in fantasy land. She had an EA (I don't think PA, but don't know for sure) for a few months in the spring, but he dropped her when she filed and he wouldn't leave his family. I outed her to everyone.
I do still wish she would snap out of this. She somehow thinks the grass will be greener.
Anyway, just wanted to lend some support.
Hang in there and start to GAL big time. Don't spend any time alone. That is the hardest part. Find some new friends.
Hey LIL, so sorry you are here. This is a hard place to be, I know it.
Just because you filed doesn't have to mean you can't wait some more. IDK what you really want out of this anymore, if you are just done or if you are willing to wait and watch this blow-up in her face, because that is what is likely to happen.
Just try to relax (impossible, I know) and get yourself out of the house. Go find some friends or neighbors or someone to talk to. I just go have a beer with my neighbor or sit at a local tavern for 1/2 hour and chat with the bartender for a bit. You have to do something to get your mind off of this stuff or you will go insane.
I don't really have any other advice for you at the moment, but your situation seems pretty extreme. I'm surprised that more vets haven't chimed in on your thread.
My W blew up on me in January and then waited for the kids to get out of school in June to file. We continued living together until August, when I agreed to move out of the house as part of the temporary agreement. I have my kids on Wed nights and every other Fri, Sat and Sun nites. We have a court date tomorrow that should change that to every Wed & Thur and every other Fri & sat nite and sunday day. We have to get the support payments adjusted for the change in kids nights. We will also be scheduling our final D hearing tomorrow. The the real fun can start. What to do with the house. I want to sell it, she wants to stay, but she won't be able to afford it. She is in fantasy land. She had an EA (I don't think PA, but don't know for sure) for a few months in the spring, but he dropped her when she filed and he wouldn't leave his family. I outed her to everyone.
I do still wish she would snap out of this. She somehow thinks the grass will be greener.
Anyway, just wanted to lend some support.
Hang in there and start to GAL big time. Don't spend any time alone. That is the hardest part. Find some new friends.
Good Luck!!
Thanks DanF,
I filed because I was just tired and wanted to move on with my life. I wanted to save my family, and I still love my wife. I could not deal with her crap anymore, she made it clear by her actions and what she said it was over, there was no wavering at all.
I did it to protect my rights as a father, and my kids rights. They need one stable parent, and I chose to be that person.
Now this death in my family has thrown me for a loop, it's making me 2nd guess.
Why am I 2nd guessing? She still doesn't bother me, has shown nothing in the form of support. I thought maybe something as crushing as this would lighten the fog.....nope
M-38 W-37 T-16,M-11 (Oct 30,1999) S-5 S-2 Wife left 7/4/2010
"When life hands you a lemon, say, 'Oh yeah, I like lemons! What else ya got?" — Henry Rollins
How many have dealt with a wife that has acted like mine? Hasn't spoken to me in months (even with kids) she texts when we are to meet for them. When we meet, she doesn't say a word....I do thank her, and she responds by mumbling something.
The hard part to understand, she is the one who left to be with POSOM, I'm the one who should be indifferent or angry.
M-38 W-37 T-16,M-11 (Oct 30,1999) S-5 S-2 Wife left 7/4/2010
"When life hands you a lemon, say, 'Oh yeah, I like lemons! What else ya got?" — Henry Rollins
So be indifferent. Do a 180, stop giving a darn and treat her like you would any random person on the street. It couldn't possibly do any harm at this point. Don't be mean, but don't care either
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
This is not what I want, it's just not. As the days get closer to this journey being final, I have so many questions and not enough answers.
I want to call my wife, hear her voice, hear her laugh. I want to know when I come home from work we are all going to go out to eat again. I miss watching special milestones with my kids with her. I want to look forward to the Holidays as a family, decorate the Christmas tree, write a letter to Santa with the boys....together.
It sucks I am going through this, while she is with Mr. Wonderful, raising our kids with him.
I still cry about the loss everyday, what a far cry from vacation the last wek of June.
I've been in NC, and it still isn't getting easier. When I saw our names on the Divorce decree, it really hit me.
Why do I hold out hope for reconsiliation? It's hopeless.
How does she look at our boys and not feel something, this is not what's best for them.
I'm alone tonight, I'll probably post 50 times.
M-38 W-37 T-16,M-11 (Oct 30,1999) S-5 S-2 Wife left 7/4/2010
"When life hands you a lemon, say, 'Oh yeah, I like lemons! What else ya got?" — Henry Rollins
