Maybe you should stop with the conversations at this point and go to a e-mail basis whenever possible. Then you have everything documented between you two. You will also have time to gather your thoughts and keep things simple and straight to the point. Shock
Got hme a little bet ago. We have had pretty good interaction. I meditated on the positive things from our former relationship before I came in the house to help reduce my anger.
Shes getting ready to go out for groceries and what looks like a job interview of some sort. I guessed at it and she was like how did you know, I said your getting done up pretty nice. I was in the room to fold my clothes before I leave for Buddhist classes. I left the room when I felt the frustration and desperation creeping into me.
SAwe that she had been tesxting him before she went out. W do I chack that [censored]. ANyways later I saw on his Facebook he posted "Girlfriends are better two at a time"... bummed me out.
He removed the post this morning. Probably smart for him lol..
I havent shown any real emotion abot it.
After I got back from Buddhist class she stated asking me questions about it. She had thought I had gone to a friends Wiccan thing and was teasing me about it. I was hurt but ignored it and told her it was Buddhist class. She got very interested and started asking me questions about it and sharing about her family and Buddhism some and how she was interested in it and thought it was really cool.
I told her it was very cool and left it at that.
After she went to bed I let my stress out and called some friends and family.
Buddhism class was extremely tough for me. With out getting into all the details it involved focusing on others suffering and the human condition. I of thought about how that applied to my wife, her suffering, and my role in it. If you don't have a grasp of what Buddhist's mean when they say suffering it'll be confusing but.. anyways.
I was sad. Detaching and removing myself from her life as best as possible is the best thing and I am doing my best to do that.
So there was some positive interaction.
I called my dad and told him how I felt and he told me that its only been a month. I reflected on that and thought about the progress we have made in a month. There has been some measurable progress.
My new "long" term goal is to make it to December and measure my progress then. Short term... make it day to day with the most loving detatchment as possible while I GAL and work on my personal goals and growth.
I really appreciate having a place to talk about this so I don't blow up at home.
I love my wife and family and I hope the interconnectedness of everything truly does bring about change in her and our relationship. I certainly won't go back to the way it was, I won't be a doormat, but I don't want a divorce either.
One thing that my step dad said that was interesting because it mirrors what the book said is... that even though she doesn't seem to be noticing the changes in my behavior that subconsciously she is processing it. That I should believe in the process of detaching and GAL.
This is hard. You are over analyzing every move/comment/interaction. How about a baby step. See if you can go one evening without analyzing anything?
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
This is hard. You are over analyzing every move/comment/interaction. How about a baby step. See if you can go one evening without analyzing anything?
You know the crazy thig Is I KNOW I AM but I keep doing it.
Hen I look at the whole month since the bomb... ok I can see some progress. But this day to day analysis is retarded and its killing me.
OK my goals for the day: - NO CHECKING PHONE - NO CHECKING FACEBOOK - meditate x 2 - go to gym teach & train tonight - take care of my physical appearance (done) - take care of laundry. - music (done) - find smething beautiful for my bedroom
