WOW! Happyandcontent, sooooo appreciative that you put your feelings on this board. Reading them just helped me 'feel accepting' and understanding of what he must be going through, whereas before i was concentrating on how hurt I was. he's opening up a bit, and I can listen a bit better...cant explain really just helped tremendously.
Happy, he is opening up and telling me things that are almost exactly the things you complained about. Control being the thing that he is most afraid of. He never spoke about anything that made him unhappy in our marriage - never once complained about the things that made him unhappy, and i did the same but to a lesser extent. He has now said that he is 50% of the problem, wheras before it was all my fault. I never tried to control him, but I can understand how he could have ended up feeling that way, by never telling me that he was interpreting things wrong....I have never been a fishwife, everybody used to say I was the most patient understanding person ever. but he didnt want to hurt me, so just stayed quiet, and the resentment built. Mine did too for things I never said.
BUT, he is still at the point where he's terrified of being controlled again - and falling 'back under my spell' , so he's still recovering, and working through things. Dont know if he'll get over it, but reading your pasts give me hope and understandiing
He has gone a bit quiet now, digesting things. I found out about an OW, but no details. This was the thing that made me step up and speak up, and ask which direction I should be taking in my life, as I still love him, and understand what he's going through, but also feel stuck and need to move forward with my life in some way. I understood from your posts that the thought of giving your wife hope put you off, so I tried to come across as I dont expect him to jump headfirst back into the marriage - or even for it to work out, but that we could talk and open up, and see where that gets us. Maybe dating eventually, but not back into the marriage.
i dont know if any of this helped or made it worse yet, but I was tired and exhasuted and couldnt sit anymore....especially since he was spending more time with me.
Pie you are still trying to control him and you are making assumptions about him and his feelings. If you want to know what is going through his mind, ask him. You say you dont want to come across as pushing him back into the relationship but you are. There is OW? Obviously he is not ready to be in a marriage with you at this time. What are you working on for yourself?
Happy- I'm so glad you popped in. For some reason your posts seem to hit home with us LBS's. When I read your posts years ago, they truly helped me understand of the confusion someone in MLC is going through. I am over 3.5 years post-bomb and still on the roller coaster but thinking I am nearing the end of the ride one way or the other!...it's a long story! I know I wouldn't have made it this far if it weren't for the understanding I got from this site...understanding I got from posts like yours! Thank you so much.
Thank you soo much