Not sure where to start or end? WAW? #4

[john28]

Previous thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2096642&page=1

Ok, I have been away from the boards for about a week now. I know that no one in their right mind is going to believe this but I just got home from the hospital.

I just can't make this crap up folks. I'm not that good.

Thursday night last week I have been feeling sick all week. I think I've got a sinus infection from Professor Cat Lady's cats who I'm highly allergic to. Well, this infection develops in the entire left side of my face and my neck swells up twice it's normal size and I've got a tennis ball under my chin. Severe crap, so I drive myself to the ER where they ambulance me to another ER that has an oral surgeon. Meanwhile I call my W and ask her to come stay with me in the hospital and for some reason she doesn't understand the gravity of the situation and how I'm going into emergency surgery and blanks out on me and tells me she'll see me in the morning.

I know, weird as crap. I put her on the do not call list at the hospital because I'm so pissed and hurt by her then I try all my friends and can get none but guess who - Professor Lady. She comes, helps me out in the ER, stays with me that night, and I just got home from spending 5 nights in the ER. I don't remember any of it.... but I do know my parents came on Friday and stayed with me.

W flipped out that same night when she realized I guess it was about 30 minutes after we talked (where she said she would see me the following day and not that night) and realized what she did and called every hospital in the area asking for me, but no one would tell her anything. Matter of fact, one hospital asked her "Are you the wife or the girlfriend?" Holy crap she blew nuts. Then she tried driving to the hospital but her car broke down so she had to get it towed back to her house 30 miles away from the hospital I was at.

Yeah, I can't make this stuff up.

She still can't find me, and my parents are mad as all hell at her for not coming to the hospital to see me so they are ignoring all her calls. So she goes and files a missing persons report TWICE on me. And she still can't find out anything except that I am alive and not dead because I've put a no-contact on her at the hospital.

Meanwhile, I was put on a ventillator for two days and had to be intibated while AWAKE because this infection blocked my airway so bad. I nearly died. The surgeon told me if I would have waited till morning I would be dead. Reality is no joke people. Plus I can safely say that being intibated while awake is the single worst experience of my life.

So I'm in a coma pretty much until today. That kinda sucked. I woke up and had a bajillion missed calls from W. I call her back and she is obviously angry and hurt. But, professes her undying love for me. For once she talks about working on us and wants to "have the conversation about us that we need to have but after your parents leave"

So now I'm in the situation that I've created myself. I'm fairly certain she wants to work this out now and wants to move back in. Obviously, I've my checklist of boundaries. I know what I want now, and cats is definitley not on that list of things I want EVER.

Seriously though. I'm struggling with this. I really need everyone to detach from the drama here and give me solid advice. What is my W is sincere in wanting this M and R again? Let's assume it's true, and that she has had a change of heart and mind and all it took was me nearly DYING to do that?

My question is this: I'm not an experienced husband, man, son, father anything really. I'm 28 years old. I'm still a kid, really when you think about it. I'll give myself some life credit for a career and providing well for my family, but beyond that I've learned to humble myself a little more. So, let's say that in my infinitely small wisdom I think I've seen what a good healthy relationship would look like for me where I'm cherished, honored, doted, loved, ABCD and all of the above. Let's just assume I know what that might look like.

And then I look at my wife and think, I'll never have that with her. I'll probably get pretty close at times, and I will always love her, and I'll be faithful and honorable to her and stand by her forever. But I don't think I'll ever feel that aliveness again and cherished feeling by her. She'll love me, the best damned way she can, but I don't think I'll ever have THAT kind of love from her.

Do I follow my heart, or my duty?

[pookie69]

Since I am still up and online I have to say:

You're right, you can't make this up unless you work as a writer for Two and a Half Men show.

Now that the Cat Professor has nearly killed you (no pun intended), what are you going to do about your other nut in your life?

[bustorama]

Oh, man, this was worth waiting for.

[Coach]

John, take care of yourself. Don't decide anything until you get well - physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. use this time to think.

Cheers

[pookie69]

John, take care of yourself. Don't decide anything until you get well - physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. use this time to think.

Cheers

John,

I sincerely hope that time comes for you.

Get well.

[bustorama]

Seriously, take many deep breaths. And also consider there choices other than door #1 and door #2, at least in the interim.

[pinhead]

Poor Professor Plum. What will she do now? Will she shun her cats for John's true love, or will she remain true to her feline nature? It's not the cats fault, John was just too much catnip for them to handle.

As The World Turns has nothing on John.

Take care of yourself, John. I would take a break from Professors, cats, STBXWs, and anything else that might go pear shaped on you.

[hurtinhartford]

John,

You know my script was pretty close to what really happened. I just didn't write in the hospital ER.

Okay, so enough of the joking. Although, we are all going through our own sitch's yours in comparison to others on this is far more dramatic and that is due in my IMO to your youth.

Coach's right and spend this time by yourself and figure out what John wants and needs. Again, IMO from the description of your W all you will get is more drama and probably an episode on COPS. You can have a healthy R with your W, but maybe not a M. I actually have a strong R with my 1st W because we decided that though we could not remain M we needed to work together to provide a healthy environment for our two sons. Take care of yourself John.

[soleil]

Yaaay! John's back! ::doing happy dance in circles:

First and foremost, I am glad you are healthy and ok now. That sounds like a very scary sitch to be in. I am also allergic to felines so I can totally relate. Did you know you were allergic to cats before you went out with Professor "CAT" Lady?

Reality is no joke people.

YOUR reality is no joke, John! I am just glad you're alive and posting!

She still can't find me, and my parents are mad as all hell at her for not coming to the hospital to see me .

Did you tell them that youw ere the one who put her on the do-not-call list? I hope you did. Your W was immature for telling you she wouldn't check up on you but redeemed herself by coming to find you/calling you, even if she wasn't allowed to see you.

I know what I want now, and cats is definitley not on that list of things I want EVER.

Gave me a chuckle

So now I'm in the situation that I've created myself. I'm fairly certain she wants to work this out now and wants to move back in.
Do I follow my heart, or my duty?

What do YOU want, John? Find the answer to that.

Glad to see you back here....

[john28]

Well, reconciliation isn't in the picture now like I figured it might be. Her short lived re-love wasn't real and she won't be moving back in. I did a fishing experiment and she was quick to say she wouldn't be coming back.

So I'm right back to square 1 which OK i suppose.

Parents are still here. Saw professor lady tonight and that was nice, I thanked her with a dinner. Not much else to report.