cheated on, lied to, and now I am moving on

[awest1217]

Having a rough night. I hadn't heard from H since I left for TN and I was ok for that except he hadn't asked about S at all. So I get a text that says "I broke the band of the watch you bought me. :(" and asked where I got it so he could get it fixed. I bought him the watch for our anniversary last year after he lost the one I bought him for our 1st anniversary. He is still wearing his wedding band and then with being upset about the watch...it made me mad and upset.

On top of it, he called to ask a question because he got a letter from the court saying our D will be finalized on Jan 13 as long as it is uncontested. L got the letter for me so I am sure I will hear about it this week. H also said he got the info to the L and had the nerve to say he was upset it is taking her so long to get this done. I told him he could have sent the info at the beginning of the month and could have hired a L himself if he wanted things sped up.

After the conversation, I was very upset. I called H back and politely told him to not contact me ever again unless it has to do with S. We have a great coparenting relationship and I don't want to ruin it. I told him I don't care about him breaking a watch that means so much to me and symbolizes a relationship we don't have. He was upset on the other side, but said ok.

I can't have H and I being friends. I am great with talking and communicating all the time about S, but that is it. I have been in a funk since. I still don't want to be divorced and I have no one to talk to who won't say how much better off I am without him. Believe me, in my head I know I am better off and maybe a little in my heart and deep down I do believe something great will still happen with my life, but it still hurts. I still said until death do us part and I meant it. It really bothers me that he still wears the ring and other stuff, but they mean nothing to him while I am actually keeping that vow.

Realizing it will all be over soon is like a weight being lifted, but at the same time it is so hard. I have to go through another holiday season married yet separated and go through another wedding anniversary and start next year still married...I was just hoping it would be over so I could start this year fresh.

Anyway now that I have vented a ton, I will get to bed. I so thought the days of crying were over, but not yet.