"And youre upset at being 2nd? Good luck finding another mother that would put anyone ahead of their children.
"...But you appear to put drinking ahead of me and the kids, you threw up out the car window the other day while we were driving with the kids in the car - please don't tell me you put the kids first when it's obvious after doing this that you put yourself first and rationalize your behaviors afterwards. Stop coming up with excuses that explain everything, excuses don't explain and explanations don't excuse."
I may have to see her shortly to do kid exchange...I'll just keep it strictly kid exchange.
Yes, just take the kids, tell them to say bye to mommy and turn your back on her and go, in either of your current conditions, a few words will escalate into something much larger and much more vocal and you don't need that with the kids around. If she starts an argument, tell her "I won't argue or discuss any of this in front of the kids, you can email me later if you need to say something to me"
Note, I said "email", not phone or text message, she will probably say "why email?", and you can just respond with "I have to go, talk to you later"
You have to give her the impression that you are done with her, when you talk to her and "validate" her, you don't give her this impression, you always appear to be the attention seeking spouse who wants back into the relationship - this part has to change.
You have to give her the impression that you are done with her, when you talk to her and "validate" her, you don't give her this impression, you always appear to be the attention seeking spouse who wants back into the relationship - this part has to change.
Agree
M-43 FWW-42 T 20 M 16 DD10 DD8 EA: 1/10 Informal separation: 6/11/2010 Headed for D: 7/6/2010 Piecing? 9/10/10
"....NEWSFLASH.....we are in dire straights.... I was trying everything in my power to get us out of this. I was focusing on trying to make my business successful....and NOW is THE time to be doing that with the holidays & all these fairs. And you wouldn't leave me alone to do that. Maybe you've forgotten....but I left you alone to study and do homework for your degree."
NEWSFLASH!!!! How can anyone with a drinking problem, someone who is flirting with other men, have time to put their children first and focus on making a business successful?!
Does that make sense to you?
If she has time to drink, If she has time to "socialize" with other men, If she has time to hang out with her friends, but she doesn't have time to put her kids to bed and take care of them, and she doesn't have time to spend time with her husband and be committed and devoted to him, well then, "Hello!", "Newsflash!!!", You are NOT focusing on making any business successful unless that business is to focus on making herself feel good at your expense.
All of these things tell me she isn't attracted to you anymore, that's pretty much how wives act towards husbands when the attraction between the two has been killed (and I don't just mean physical attraction, attraction means much more than that).
Don't get me wrong, despite all of her crap behaviors, I'm not letting you off the hook, you helped this situation along with being so submissive, so passive, so wussy like that you killed the attraction with your wife. It took two of you to make this mess.
Going forward: - get an appraisal done on the home (I'm not saying you have to sell the home but give that impression to your wife that you're considering it) - limit your contact with your wife, talk only about the kids when you need to - focus on you now, you need an education on what contributed to your current situation, on how YOU contributed to your current situation - work on you, let your wife take care of herself and if she doesn't and gets worse and repeats all of her past behaviors again and again, well... that is her responsibility, let her deal with the consequences of that - living at home with your parents, how long do you intend to do that? Have you been looking at renting a place for you to live? What are your options? No complaining here either, how do you make this work for you? How do you make it so that you can stand on your own two feet like an adult man who knows what he wants in life and isn't afraid to speak up and ask for it and get it and make it work
