But you are correct...I've been a wussy by not saying something to W about her drinking.
I'm glad you admitted this much, but I'm going to take it a step further, you've been a wussy for not saying something about any of your wife's crap behaviors, drinking is just one of many things, I'm sure of that.
You need to do some research on your part, identify your nice guy behaviors, your "wussiness" and how you need to change those behaviors and how doing so will make your situation better for you in the long run, regardless if your successful at improving your marriage or not.
When I reminded her of the other two incidents (one of which I lied to her BF) got the following responses:
"thanks for your understanding as a partner"
"hope you find your perfect person"
"you were just looking for an excuse to leave"
My response would have been simple and sweet:
"I've been too understanding as a partner, you seem to have taken too much advantage of that, I was never looking for a perfect person, I'm not perfect myself, no one looks for an excuse to leave however you cheating on me and also having a drinking problem were 2 of many reasons which finally got me to open up my eyes about you and I won't apologize for that."
...Her immediate response: Sorry you feel that way. But you have everything wrong. (you see, she was actually trying to validate you a little bit when you spoke to her but she immediately tried to throw all of this on you by saying that you were wrong in your observation)
I didn't respond...she then followed up with: "....As far as last week....I had a glass and a half of brandy (with ice) and one glass of wine....and NO DINNER. I worked nonstop that day to get ready for the networking event along with watching kids...mine and others. ....We didn't even start drinking until 10....so 1:30 is really not an issue.... And stop calling me drunk! How was I to know I cant handle brandy?! Also combined with no dinner...I'm sure that played into it....and I probably shouldn't have mixed it with wine. Well I'm only human...I make mistakes....if this is the reason you left....it's pretty lame..."
Thoughts?
She is rationalizing her behavior, if she can look back now and say that she probably shouldn't have had that much brandy, or mixed it with wine, or drank on an empty stomach, it shows to me, she's not completely oblivious to the effects of drinking however she still chose to drink regardless of these factors.
When you know better and still proceed with doing something that you know probably might bad side effects, and then make up excuses as to why things turned out the way they did, you are rationalizing that your drinking isn't an issue and these things "just happened".
Makes me wonder how many other things she rationalizes.
Seeing how I haven't responded yet, I'll go with the above text.
Nope hold off, I'm sure she'll contact you again, if she's been text msging you repeatedly, she'll probably continue to do so, just to get a rise out of you, push your buttons, etc.
