Had to talk to W about an issue with our house and the bank. So I responded to:"You are the sole source of income at the moment...& you just made it harder for me to make $"
With: "I understand you feel that way and I'm sorry you feel that way. I feel that I was not treated as an equal. Your actions beginning with the Cousin jacuzzi incident and culminating with coming home at 1:30AM drunk vomiting in our bed shows complete disrespect towards me and our 20 year relationship and I will not tolerate such behavior. I respect myself to much to continue a relationship, however long, where myself or the relationship is not valued that's all I'm going to say" and I then ended the call.
Her immediate response: Sorry you feel that way. But you have everything wrong.
I didn't respond...she then followed up with: "We've already been over the cousin issue....but I'll remind you that you were glued to me the whole time & didn't give me a moment alone.... we ALL had too much to drink and we both didn't do everything right....I thought we were beyond that. As far as last week....I had a glass and a half of brandy (with ice) and one glass of wine....and NO DINNER. I worked nonstop that day to get ready for the networking event along with watching kids...mine and others. Kathy had been gone for 10 days and she needed me as a friend that night. I asked you if you were ok with me going over there and you said yes....but it looks like you actually were not...I CAN'T WIN!!! We didn't even start drinking until 10....so 1:30 is really not an issue.... And stop calling me drunk! How was I to know I cant handle brandy?! Also combined with no dinner...I'm sure that played into it....and I probably shouldn't have mixed it with wine. Well I'm only human...I make mistakes....if this is the reason you left....it's pretty lame..."
have to completely disagree with the glued to me comment...the only time I sat next to her was earlier in the day when we had our feet in the jacuzzi.
Now, I'm not going to tell her that she can't go see her friend but the mere fact that she is asking me should of perhaps clued me in that she wants me to call her on her CB or she knows what she is doing is wrong.
I have yet to respond to either TM.
Thoughts?
M-43 FWW-42 T 20 M 16 DD10 DD8 EA: 1/10 Informal separation: 6/11/2010 Headed for D: 7/6/2010 Piecing? 9/10/10
"And youre upset at being 2nd? Good luck finding another mother that would put anyone ahead of their children. And you're upset I didn't give you enough attention....NEWSFLASH.....we are in dire straights.... I was trying everything in my power to get us out of this. I was focusing on trying to make my business successful....and NOW is THE time to be doing that with the holidays & all these fairs. And you wouldn't leave me alone to do that. Maybe you've forgotten....but I left you alone to study and do homework for your degree."
"You are being very selfish and insecure."
Never said 2nd...said equal...
Patently false...One night I took my DD's with me to the gym...another night I got new tires while both DD's were at the dance studio. Put both DD's to bed all week and pretty much every night for that matter. Sent a few texts during the day just a hey thinking about you...something I think is normal for Husband and Wife.
M-43 FWW-42 T 20 M 16 DD10 DD8 EA: 1/10 Informal separation: 6/11/2010 Headed for D: 7/6/2010 Piecing? 9/10/10
Robx - I'm not responding to any of her text's via TM especially the last 4 that I posted.
I had to talk to her on the phone about an issue with the bank and our house and told her ""I understand you feel that way and I'm sorry you feel that way. I feel that I was not treated as an equal. Your actions beginning with the Cousin jacuzzi incident and culminating with coming home at 1:30AM drunk vomiting in our bed shows complete disrespect towards me and our 20 year relationship and I will not tolerate such behavior. I respect myself to much to continue a relationship, however long, where myself or the relationship is not valued that's all I'm going to say" and I then ended the call.
The only texts I respond to via TM are those pertaining to DD's and finances. I'll let her rant and rave about whatever without responding. But I couldn't let the "sole source of income and I'm making hard for her to earn $" text go without some response.
Besides, YOU told me that I shouldn't be worried it I upset her or not.
M-43 FWW-42 T 20 M 16 DD10 DD8 EA: 1/10 Informal separation: 6/11/2010 Headed for D: 7/6/2010 Piecing? 9/10/10
....As far as last week....I had a glass and a half of brandy (with ice) and one glass of wine....and NO DINNER. .....We didn't even start drinking until 10....so 1:30 is really not an issue.... And stop calling me drunk! How was I to know I cant handle brandy?! Also combined with no dinner...I'm sure that played into it....and I probably shouldn't have mixed it with wine. Well I'm only human...I make mistakes....if this is the reason you left....it's pretty lame..."
Thoughts?
Thoughts?
Yeah I have a few.
She already knows what she did was a mistake, she's going around the point of actually admitting it point blank but she knows it's a mistake, she has too much pride and she's too full of herself to admit mistakes to someone such as yourself. You don't have enough value in her eyes, she has too much value in her point of view and she doesn't have to explain herself to anyone, least of all, someone like you. Get used to it, this is how she feels.
Read the part I quoted above: - she had 1 glass and half of brandy (don't forget the ice) - she had a glass of wine - she had no dinner - she was drinking quite a bit on an empty stomach - she knows she shouldn't have mixed wine and brandy together - she doesn't like being called a "drunk" even though she drank too much and got drunk and puked, this to me sounds like something that probably has happened before - she is aware of all of these things but doesn't like the fact that someone called her on her bull$hit when she came home drunk because she isn't a "drunk", she can "handle her alcohol" which you can see by the evidence of the puke in your bed, that's how she handles it: she drinks on an empty stomach, mixes brandy with wine, drinks while lounging in a hot tub (which I believe is pretty dangerous) and then comes home and yaks in the marital bed and doesn't expect Mr. Smarty Farty Party Pooper pants to call her on her $hit
Robx - I'm not responding to any of her text's via TM especially the last 4 that I posted.
I had to talk to her on the phone about an issue with the bank and our house and told her ""I understand you feel that way and I'm sorry you feel that way. I feel that I was not treated as an equal. Your actions beginning with the Cousin jacuzzi incident and culminating with coming home at 1:30AM drunk vomiting in our bed shows complete disrespect towards me and our 20 year relationship and I will not tolerate such behavior. I respect myself to much to continue a relationship, however long, where myself or the relationship is not valued that's all I'm going to say" and I then ended the call.
The only texts I respond to via TM are those pertaining to DD's and finances. I'll let her rant and rave about whatever without responding. But I couldn't let the "sole source of income and I'm making hard for her to earn $" text go without some response.
Besides, YOU told me that I shouldn't be worried it I upset her or not.
No you should NOT be worried if you upset her, in fact, you should get used to calling her on her crap behavior more often, sounds to me like you've allowed her to get away with her crap behavior for years and she doesn't like that you're speaking up now - which is actually your fault, you should have been more vocal from the beginning, it's going to take a lot of work to turn this around.
- she doesn't like being called a "drunk" even though she drank too much and got drunk and puked, this to me sounds like something that probably has happened before
Yes...twice actually...both times she puked out the window of the car with DD's in the back seat.
Originally Posted By: robx
- she is aware of all of these things but doesn't like the fact that someone called her on her bull$hit when she came home drunk because she isn't a "drunk", she can "handle her alcohol" which you can see by the evidence of the puke in your bed, that's how she handles it: she drinks on an empty stomach, mixes brandy with wine, drinks while lounging in a hot tub (which I believe is pretty dangerous) and then comes home and yaks in the marital bed and doesn't expect Mr. Smarty Farty Party Pooper pants to call her on her $hit
Those are my thoughts so far.
LOL!
Yes...I'm in complete agreement!
M-43 FWW-42 T 20 M 16 DD10 DD8 EA: 1/10 Informal separation: 6/11/2010 Headed for D: 7/6/2010 Piecing? 9/10/10
Robx - I'm not responding to any of her text's via TM especially the last 4 that I posted.
I had to talk to her on the phone about an issue with the bank and our house and told her ""I understand you feel that way and I'm sorry you feel that way. I feel that I was not treated as an equal. Your actions beginning with the Cousin jacuzzi incident and culminating with coming home at 1:30AM drunk vomiting in our bed shows complete disrespect towards me and our 20 year relationship and I will not tolerate such behavior. I respect myself to much to continue a relationship, however long, where myself or the relationship is not valued that's all I'm going to say" and I then ended the call.
The only texts I respond to via TM are those pertaining to DD's and finances. I'll let her rant and rave about whatever without responding. But I couldn't let the "sole source of income and I'm making hard for her to earn $" text go without some response.
Besides, YOU told me that I shouldn't be worried it I upset her or not.
You know something, I could understand if you had cheated on your wife, and you were the one trying to win her back, trying to come back home, why you would talk like this to her, "validating" her by making her feel you understand what she says, etc.
But it's not congruent in this situation, at least not in my opinion. It still feels like a$$ kissing to me.
In this situation, you "validate" her by being real with her so that she knows that you're for real and no longer kissing her a$$ which is so unattractive. What you are doing is a form of pursuit, and why would you be trying to validate her crap behavior, I don't understand that, what is the goal of talking to her like this? There is nothing gained by talking to her like this, it probably sounds as if you are sorry you bothered her when you talk to her like this, that isn't going to work in your situation.
Are you really sorry she feels that way as per what you said? Why would you feel sorry? Does she feel remorse for being immature? Does she feel remorse for having an affair? Does she feel remorse for yakking up left overs in your bed?
