To 'let go and let God' means that you have the free will to do what you want to do to improve your sitch and yourself. When Moses went to free the Israelites, they didn't tell him "no thanks, we're waiting for God to save us".
God gives you opportunities. It's up to you to take them or not. You can either see this time as one of stagnation and sadness or strength and growth. You can't just 'will' him to come home. But you can 'will' yourself to create the you that you've always wanted. If you think you're fine just the way you are, then that's okay. But don't expect your H to come home because he doesn't think it's fine. There is usually a healthy compromise where the two of you can meet half way. What is that for you?
So far in your posts, you haven't even answered the question of what would make you attractive to your husband. You are still going around and bashing the OW thinking that if she wasn't there, he'd be back.
That's not true.
If you haven't changed, why would your H want to come back? Obligation is one thing, but he will feel like a caged animal. Have you tried making yourself more desirable in the way that he wants? Have you been condemning or accepting?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I went to the monastery yesterday and the message was for me to do Gods will for my life everyday, not to be fearful, and to put my h life in God's hands. I want to find a good organization to volunteer at. I am reading the "Codependent No More" book too. I know one of the things I have to work on on this journey is that I can't control other people. Because of my challenging childhood I felt that I needed to control things. Im learning that i can only control my own life. I want to focus on me and find my own happiness.
Rysmom, you are all over the board. You are going to file to protect yourself financially, your son has been through it over all of this, plus your H has not helped you, nor has seemed willing to help you when it comes to money. Your H has also expressed no interest in returning to the marriage. It seems quite obvious to me that the only reason why he hasn't filed is to keep from having any financial obligation to you, as you have not been willing to force him to do this. Rysmom, you really should get a divorce and move on with your life.
Ok so you want to save your marriage. What are your answers to the other questions I posed? These are important.
Have you tried making yourself more desirable in the way that he wants? Have you been condemning or accepting? What have you done to show you're different? Or will you stay the same?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I want to save m. If i interact with h I will try to be friendly and happy. If i focus on my own life this should come naturally.
Sweetie....this isn't the way it will work. You are closing your eyes to something. And that's ok. It is your choice. With this plan...you will eventually find someone else who appreciates you more....if you let them.
If you work with Mr. Bond here.....you will have a greater chance of getting your husband back.
Whatever you choose, I'm in your corner, I want you to be very very happy.
Wishing you more love than your heart can stand- sg
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
"Sweetie....this isn't the way it will work. You are closing your eyes to something. And that's ok. It is your choice. With this plan...you will eventually find someone else who appreciates you more....if you let them"
What do you mean by this isnt the way it works? the way what works? What am i closing my eyes to? I want to save m but h is very stubborn and proud and I dont know if he would ever come back again after trying to make it work for 2 yrs. It didnt work because I found it difficult to trust because he never called to say where he was or change his phone # and he got sick of me not trusting him and went back to ow.
I went to my sisters 2 hours away this weekend, we took our son's to the ski resort. I bought them discount ski passes for the winter. I think this will be good for them. My nephew is from a fatherless home too. They will have something to look forward to doing on the weekends this winter.
