The only thing that pissed me off is you called me at 3:30am my time and woke me up.
I'm emotionally done. It's pointless. When I'm forced to communicate with her, I'll be nice. Her OCD to get me on the phone last night was excessive. How long do you let your alarm clock go off in your ear before you give in and do something about it?
I have every right to vent on my posts. When I talked with her I was the poster boy of DB. Calm, cool, and collected. Handled it very well. I even tried to break up with someone I'm not with yesterday (As messeed up as that is - that's the best way to describe it). Results - TBD.
Don't challenge me on being a man. I've more than turned myself around in very quick amount of time. I'm still processing a lot of information. Sorry I'm not "Manly" enough in some eyes. Do I give a f*ck? No, I don't. It's my path, my journey, and I'm done with the dysfunction. I can keep going in circles showing my "good light", or I can give her a sense of loss (aka freedom).
My mediator, my DB coach, and some truly great friends will be my help to get through this.
Again, just because I vent on here doesn't always qualify me for a 2x4. It's better to write here than to do something stupid. I should be in a further place, but has there been that much time? Nope
As far as answering her all the time. I don't. I pick and choose when and what is said. I control my interactions. I'm just tired of setting my clock to her patterns and will do anything at this point to break the cycle.
My Life has to move forward. However, I never thought the "Ball and chain" term would apply so well at the end of a relationship.
Better that term at the end than the begining. But is it really the end?
<shrug>
Be the man be the man be the man... don't listen to peer pressure don't listen to peer pressure don't listen to peer pressure don't listen to peer pressure...
: ) Something ironic there.
For all our well meaning friends, going to suggest something that some people do.
When you're venting.
Type VENT:
Or some sort of easy to read sign.
The man thing Eric, I promise you he is and 4 1/2 weeks of trying MCL tactics, trying and succeeding?
You know how many people get it that quickly?
Faith gets its, this anger you guys are seeing...is bleeding off here, he didn't use it on the phone...that's the important part that got missed.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Yepper. Did it myself today too. Helps to get it out.
Originally Posted By: FaithnAK
When I talked with her I was the poster boy of DB. Calm, cool, and collected. Handled it very well.
Good.
Originally Posted By: FaithnAK
Sorry I'm not "Manly" enough in some eyes. Do I give a f*ck? No, I don't. It's my path, my journey, and I'm done with the dysfunction. I can keep going in circles showing my "good light", or I can give her a sense of loss (aka freedom).
YOU define MAN for you. And yes, it is your path and your journey. Being done with the dysfunction sounds perfectly healthy to me. Detachment in action. And you can do both ... give her the sense of loss, and show yourself in the best light when interactions have to happen.
Originally Posted By: FaithnAK
It's better to write here than to do something stupid.
Absolutely.
Originally Posted By: FaithnAK
I should be in a further place,
Says who?
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Sooner or later... if things keep going like this... you're gonna start having fun with it, I bet.
Do I need money? Sure, if you want to give me money. How much do you have?
The dogs need anything? Well, the little one outgrew another pair of shoes--they grow so fast at this age that they go through clothes and shoes quickly. You know how it is?
Promise
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
It can be like a guilty pleasure in screwing with them, got to ask yourself does it hurt or help your goal.
No matter how good at this we think we are or want to be, we smile on the inside...sometimes on the outside when the relationship with the OP goes badly.
We like it when they get a taste of the hurt sandwich.
The idea is not to revel in it.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Faith gets its, this anger you guys are seeing...is bleeding off here, he didn't use it on the phone...that's the important part that got missed.
I kinda caught that too....
Faith, good job on not blowing up on your W. Wish that I had more control over myself early on in my sitch.
Not going to give you advice, you got a lot of that up there.
Tell me how you feel.........(I caught the anger feeling, and frustration BTW.)
Tell me how you feel tomorrow or the next day after you haven't heard from her in 2 days.
Tell me how you feel when you run across a picture of the 2 of you together in happier times.
Tell me how you feel when you lay down at night in an empty bed.
I will tell you how I feel at those times.....very, very sad.
In the beginning it is all the time that I would feel that, and I wanted it to stop soooo bad. I would curse her for hurting me so bad but then like a child I would want her back and then mad again, then sad, then mad, then sad, then mad.......
I am glad you came hear to VENT, I got it when I read it. That was last night........come back tomorrow and tell me how you are feeling, for real.
I have been at this over a year and about 3 weeks ago, I was crying so hard on my way to work I could hardly drive. I seriously thought that I wasn't going to be able to pull myself together.......
BUT
I knew......that in TIME it would pass and I would be OKAY. Just like the ANGER will pass and the LOVING feelings for your W will return.
We talk about doing the "WORK" here......
What does that mean???
I suppose it means different things to different people...
could be standing in front of a mirror and talking to yourself... could be writing things down in a journal could be climbing to the top of a mountain in Alaska and meditating.
For me it is making through the times that I want to ball up in the fetal position in my closet with the doors shut a cry so f@cking hard I could throw up, knowing that it will pass and that one day I will not do that anymore but for now it is where I am at.......I accept it. That is my work.
That work takes TIME.
I think In My Very Humble Opinion, when we hear "I'm done" and "I notice OP looking at me" and "I want to date" or "Why should I wait" so early on in someone's sitch, we kinda of doubt that you really are done, b/c we have all said we are done before we were really "done".
I hope that if and when you are "DONE" that you are coming from a place of peace and not from anger.
Sooooooooo, I will ask again......
How are you feeling today, tomorrow, next week?????
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
, kinda a moot point for now ...