I just wanted to encourage you and congratulate you by being willing to look for ways to put the picante back into your marriage. Your husband will wake up eventually.
I'll throw out some ideas for you some other time when my head isn't spinning quite so fast.
You made me laugh my sexy butt off!!! Thank you, your post was just what I needed today.
Please, do keep the advice coming, this forum has giving me so much encouragement, compassion and ideas that I wouldn't be able to get from anywhere else. I am new to marriage and new to this depressing problem, so I am clueless.
I will keep the fight going, that is for sure, I will make my man want me or die trying!
This week has been a good week, still no sex (3.5 months and counting), but at least no fighting or bad vibes between us, so I take that as a good sign. He also promised to start reading the book this week, so I'll keep my finger crossed and be calm if he does not. I am planning to do some coercion this weekend and get some sex, even if it is a 5 minute session. My reason is that because of the amount of time that has gone by without sex, I am very very anxious about our situation,which tends to make me explode in angry outburst, so a little sex, even if it is not what I really want should help my mind and also remind him that when things get going, he likes sex too. By coercion I don't mean asking him, I mean doing something to him to get him started without asking ( you get my meaning )he normally doesn't stop me (or encourage me for that matter), so from there, rather than waiting for him react and want some full contact sex on his own accord, I will just take charge. I don't really want to do it like this, because this is the only way we ever had any sex in the past and the truth is , it sucks that he never shows inniciative here, but, I think I better remind both of us what this is all about.
On that though, Hairdog, my friend, it seems that yor W thinks too much, and if you ask her (about romance, flowers, contact) she will just refuse you, but, have you ever "just do it". What I mean by this is not sex, but just get some candles and a bottle of wine and tell her in the beginning that there will be no sex, so she is not defensive? and just have a great intimate time? What about sneaking up a bear hug (nice warm and fast!) on her? you know the kind that you give and then keep on walking like it was nothing?. I say all these because my husband may be LD , but he is very very affectionate BECAUSE it was in his nature AND I got him used to it. He wasn't at all when we were first dating. In fact he was plain against any "P.D.A" like he used to call Public Displays of Affection, or even the indoor kind. At that time I just did it, no matter what he said, I would hug him and kiss him right in front of other people. He would say that he felt unconfortable because of the other people, but he got over that. Then again, I was maybe pushing there , but I got a very kissy huggy Husband, so at least I am getting that love, otherwise his a$$ would be sooo divorced now!.
Don't worry Hairdog about saying that your W is a great person, we kind of assume that, otherwise you wouln't be trying to save your marriage. It get a little one dimentional on the forum, since we are here to talk about the problem, not the good stuff, but we are all in the same boat, so we understand.
Thank you, your post was just what I needed today.
