Trying to care

[Albuquerque]

Faith,

I may have a different opinion than some, but this is how I see things. I don't think it's a good thing to IGNORE your W (unless you want her to move on). You need to detach, yes. But that's NOT the same thing as going dim or NC. Detaching means NOT allowing her statements, tantrums, comments to get to you emotionally. It's easier done with NC or going dim, but you CAN be detached and have regular contact with W. My H NEVER stopped texting me, emailing me, IMing me etc. I responded kindly and gave brief answers, occasionally adding a bit of personality but that was rare. I never initiated contact and never talked about myself. When he contacted me, I might ask a question or two about something he mentioned the last time he contacted me (both because I was genuinely interested and because I knew he liked being asked). But I kept it short and sweet. It's not easy when you have a spouse like this, but it IS manageable. Eric's translation is spot on. Your W is still interested in you but very very confused. Be the lighthouse in the storm. Let her know through your actions that you will be there and will stand strong but will continue to move forward for YOURSELF. My H has flat out told me that if I had yelled and screamed and been difficult he would have moved on.

I'm not saying to be available when its NOT convenient for you. I'm not saying bend over backwards to answer every call, email text etc. They are lost in their fog but they DO remember how you treat them during this time. Yes, it will involved you biting your tongue over and over again and spewing your frustrations on this board. But you CAN do this.