I wouldn't contact his parents until AFTER you figure he has told them. It is his family. And I understand why/what you want to do, but its not your place to be the one that ends up letting them know that things are over or almost over. I don't think any good would come of that. You can let them know when the time is right...and if you let them know and they start asking the questions, then you are letting your H off the hook. I doubt it will be easy for him to let his parents know, so let him do it, let him deal with the consequences of this actions, let him deal with their initial reactions and emotions and questions...not you.
I'm no expert at this Infidelity stuff, but I am a pretty good student of human nature. So I feel entirely confident in saying that "He will lie to them about the nature of his relationship with OW."
Yes, I have read MWD's position on it and I put a lot of weight in that. He has told them that we are getting a D that I know. However, if he has made it seem mutual like he has with at least a couple of people I know, that will really upset me.
I want them to know I am committed to our marriage and that I have grown and thank them for everything they have done for me.
So... when is the right time for that kind of letter? I know our situations have been similar in some regards, others not so much: we are separated, he filed for D, we don't have kids requiring us to at least talk about that...
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
I concur, but at least he will have to tell them that the M is over...
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
I want to at some point write them a letter at least thanking them. I just don't know what to do regarding exposure or when the best time is to write such a letter.
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
What good does it do to let his parents know you are committed to the M? I understand thanking them for everything they have done What is the right time, no idea. I waited till I thought there was no hope for reconcilliation before I did that...and it got awkward. W's parents started wanting us to read books, etc...things I would never suggest to W, so then had to politely say that although I might be open to those ideas, that they needed to be there to help/support their daughter not me...
I think you need to evaluate your reasons for wanting to do this, and then decide for yourself when is the right time for yourself in your siutation. Starsky is right, H will NOT tell them aboout an A
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
I want them to know that I did not give up on the marriage if they may have the impression that I did. I don't know what sort of reason he has given them for ending our marriage.
I know he will not admit to the A where his parents are concerned.
I feel that with the D filed and us not communicating, hope for R is getting very slim... so, I keep struggling with when, how much to say etc. I am very scared to do this I will admit. I would be crossing a line that can not be uncrossed.
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
There is no such thing as a line that cannot be uncrossed. Some are more difficult than others to cross back. Don't think in terms of absolutes. This is life we are talking about. Don't think in terms of absolutes
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
I want them to know that I did not give up on the marriage if they may have the impression that I did. I don't know what sort of reason he has given them for ending our marriage.
I know he will not admit to the A where his parents are concerned.
Then I think there's no time like the present. Just my opinion, but why let the one person who DOESN'T have the marriage's best interests at heart, be the ones to tell people how/why it's ending?
If you want your thoughts, feelings and convictions on the record, then I think you should put them out there, lovingly and without judgment.
