first of all .. remind me never to vent on your thread .. ever! venting doesn't just disappear in thin air like cigar smoke. it lingers and you get an earful later on.
fyi .. i did not trash anybody's home.
anyway, the reason for this post is that a while back, you were frustrated with your wife because she wanted certain changes in you and you were doing them but she was still angry with you.
i told you that when you make the changes because she mentioned them, it comes across as fake or phony (not genuine). you still didn't quite grasp the concept and i understand. while posting to khudoo, i thought of an example.
when a woman says "you never take me out to dinner!" .. you'd take that at face value and think "ok, i'll take her to a fancy restaurant. problem solved." will that score you points? nope.
"you never take me out to dinner!" really translates to "you never spend time with me anymore." you're focused on the fancy/expensive restaurant when really, it's not about the fancy restaurant. it's about spending time together and giving her your undivided attention. you'd score big points by taking her for a drive and having great conversation in the car or a walk on the beach. it has nothing to do with going out for dinner and everything to do with spending quality time together.
it's also shows that you were truly listening. you get her. it establishes that emotional connection that we all want with our h. it's the same as looking at each other and not having to say anything because you know you're thinking of the same thing. yes, it's unfair that we speak in "code" like that .. but when you do it because we asked for it, it doesn't create that emotional connection. it's just doing for the sake of doing.
i hope that's a better explanation. i'm working on my communication skills.
venting doesn't just disappear in thin air like cigar smoke. it lingers and you get an earful later on. 
