Ok, Now that my views about feminism are out of the closet, let see how I can help you in your dilema.
I take it that because your wife is a feminist, she must be quite ok with you expresing your feelings and talking to her about them? Maybe you have already exausted this avenue, but if not, have you expressed your frustrations to her? Also , does she allow for touching even in the "naugthy places" when there is a clear understanding that no sex would follow? Maybe you can propose that , and maybe that way she will not identify your touch with sex all the time, just a way of playing and being intimate.
