Thanks msm for your global insight. I could go on and on about how the wrong parts of feminism have feminized the American Man. And demonized him. I have struggled with the chivalry/chauvinism balance. I am not supposed to open a door for my wife unless I get there first...not supposed to help her on with her coat unless my coat is hung underneath hers...the rules are endless, but she sums them up by saying, "if you wouldn't do it for a male friend, then don't do it for me." Well, my dad taught me to be a gentleman, and I'm sure that when he taught me these things, that his intent was not to continue to oppress women. Honeypot: My W does not want the romance. She thinks it is either sappy, or it is designed to try to get her into bed. Still, I know she likes the look and smell of flowers, so I bring them home for no particular reason.
Although I've never read the "5 languages of love", I know that these languages are: gifts, words of affirmation, services, quality time, and physical touch. Her language is primarily services. She wants a clean house. Words of affirmation are not accepted well--she either is embarrassed, dismissive, or just doesn't know what to do with a compliment or loving comment. Gifts -- she is definitely not a gift lover. Quality time? She is usually too busy, or too tired, and doesn't make this a priority for us, although she enjoys her quality time alone. Physical touch? Fuggetaboutit. So, I clean my a$$ off, do laundry, do the cooking, give the kid a bath, mow the yard, etc. (notice that I do both the traditional male and female gender chores), and don't get much in return. Perhaps she thinks by cleaning the house after I do so, she is showing me love in the way she would prefer to be shown. Okay...I'm kinda rambling here. But, as we all know, this BB is supposed to be therapeutic.
I want to let you all know that she is also a wonderful person. She is smart, and funny, and lovely, and insightful, and generally an interesting and stimulating (intellectually) person to be around. She works hard and is a loving and wise mother to our daughter. She's a good stepmother to my kids from a prior M. So, just because she sucks as a lover, doesn't mean I want to dump her. I just want her to make an effort. And I want my requests for her to make an effort to sound reasonable and loving--not the animalistic requests of typical MAN. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.
