What are you going to tell your in-laws if they ask you straight out, if their son is having an affair?
Or even if they ask you what's the problem with you two for that matter?
There are degrees of lying, and you have to wonder when that sort of thing is enabling, and what precedent you are setting if you actually lie to cover up an affair.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I don't think that would happen Starsky. Why would they ask or question it? I feel they would believe their son. It might tickle the back of his mom's brain though because they went through a 1 year separation due to his dad's infidelity (which H still likes to say that he is sure his dad is innocent). I suspect exposing to his family would ultimately do nothing.
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
I agree I don't want to enable. However, there is a language barrier there. His mom and I can not communicate at all over the phone. When I do write them a letter, I will write it in there language with some help from a friend. His dad can speak English but moderately at best and intonations and subtleties are lost.
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
I will admit however, that I don't know what it would do ultimately. His parents seem to like me very much and his mom is a strong women... I am sure she would at least question him.
The other concern I have is that it will blow my chance at getting him to go to a weekend intensive with me. Both times I have asked he has said "not yet", not closing the door completely. I have explained that it is for me, I don't want to ever end up in this situation again. When I spoke with my L 2 days ago, I brought up that this was what I was asking for. He seemed interested in helping me get that. I know that it is not good to force someone to do this, not likely for him to have any sort of open mind. However, if there is anyone that could get through to him, I think it would be this type of environment. I also realize it may do nothing for him but at least I will be able to understand better how I was in the R. I know I have a lot to improve in myself as far as Rs go. I hope to at least get that.
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
LOL... something else that just came to mind... He always said he didn't want my Portuguese to get too good because he didn't want his mom and me to talk about him. They all know he is an emotional challenge, even as a kid growing up.
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
I wouldn't contact his parents until AFTER you figure he has told them. It is his family. And I understand why/what you want to do, but its not your place to be the one that ends up letting them know that things are over or almost over. I don't think any good would come of that. You can let them know when the time is right...and if you let them know and they start asking the questions, then you are letting your H off the hook. I doubt it will be easy for him to let his parents know, so let him do it, let him deal with the consequences of this actions, let him deal with their initial reactions and emotions and questions...not you.
Exposing: dont worry about what you read. There are wide/varrying opinions on this and MWD isn't really in favor of that. I think it would have really hurt my sitch had I done the full exposure.
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
