Pen - I understand how difficult this is, but like other board members have suggested you need to build a new, stronger foundation NOW. You do that by not making it easy for her. Make her realize she has to gain your respect again. Nothing wrong with showing strength by letting her know that this hasnt been easy for you and you have a lot of thinking to do. You do value marriage, but you want to make sure you are with someone that does as well.
And she actually blew off her TKD.. that is a huge step and shows to me she IS in... it took a long time to get that action and it is a monitor , wait and watch on my goal. It happened. My goals that I have set in DR are coming to action and that is a good thing...
I am scared shitless of the next step and missing a sign that destroys all of the progress.. I am out of arrows so to speak.
M:42 W:39 S:9 M:20 T:25 D-bomb: 30 Sep 10 Wife changed her mind: 31 Oct 10 Working on it: 31 Oct 10
Coach and Time, I am proceeding with caution. I know she needs to show the sincerity.
in my heart I know the only way for that to happen is for her to want to do it on her own and I need to continue with what was working and do my own thing.
M:42 W:39 S:9 M:20 T:25 D-bomb: 30 Sep 10 Wife changed her mind: 31 Oct 10 Working on it: 31 Oct 10
PS. For what it's worth... you haven't done badly, and more importantly... things appear to be headed in the right direction.
What we all want for you two is a lasting reconcilliation, and that means both of you need to grow a bit from this experience, and you both need to respect one another, but respect is something you both need to earn.
What have we learned: it's NOT OK for men and women to form close emotional bonds with members of the opposite sex other then their spouse. It can permanently alter their lives and destroy their marriage.
Your wife is saying she understands that lesson, and if that is true that's great. That's something you can build on.
Now... what about you? What have you learned from this?
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Your words -- and more importantly your ACTIONS -- say otherwise, Pcola. While reasonable people can disagree about to what extent you should "make this not easy for them," etc., there is NOTHING that I would characterize as "cautious" about how you immediately responded to your wife the past 48 hours.
As for skipping her TKD class and going no-contact (for now) with OM, I'm afraid I don't award brownie points for simply doing what she SHOULD be doing, to begin with.
Hey PB! Don't look at pieceing yet. Its great to see what is happening but don't rush to piecing too fast. Take it slow and let things build. I gave my W back her engagement ring(yes I took it before she moved) and told her that when she is ready to wear it she will. She thanked me for not rushing her. Let your W make the moves and suggestions now. Take her lead, see if she is serious. Don't open your heart too fast. Actually you can't. Things will bother you from time to time about OM. Try to shake them and is she gonna go to Co? That may help..
