Welcome to my pity party. Can I take your coat? Bar’s open in the corner ... well stocked with Key Lime vodka and lavender induced gin ... mmmmmm, thanks Grit. Eric is mixing the drinks though so watch out, they’re likely girly but strong ... hey Bear, can you toss me a Bud Lite Lime? I think I’m in the mood for a beer ... Missher and WS are discussing the merits of red wine if anyone is so inclined ...
I am angry. Pissed the f@ck off. And not at anyone or anything in particular. Just life and my sitch and blah, blah, blah. And before anybody starts hurling lumber ... just read all the way through ... I know I’m choosing to be here, I just haven’t decided how long I’m gonna stay ... got some great advice last night about writing it out so here I am.
Why am I so damn mad? Let’s lay it out ....
> I don’t want to work where I work. Period. It really has lost any sense of meaning for me since the beginning of this whole drama. I want to help people, not push paper around a government machine until I can’t see straight.
> Money. I’m having trouble adjusting and things are TIGHT. The thought of Christmas being just around the corner and the fact that I have 3 small kids puts a knot in my stomach.
> I have a fantastic business opportunity sitting in front of me that I can’t seem to make enough time for. This could help with both of those ^^^ if I could just get serious and get consistent. Time ... never seems to be enough f’ing time.
> My house. When we originally bought this place it was because it had potential ... translate ... needs work! The backyard looks like a bomb went off ... literally. I downed tree, a baby barn that’s ½ dismantled, a deck that’s half taken apart. Add to that all the cosmetic stuff that needs to be done (all the bedrooms, living room, kitchen, all the trim work and both bathrooms need a coat of paint), the fact that the ceiling lights in two bedrooms just mysteriously stopped working and the basement needs to be insulated ... well ... bleh.
> I love a man I can’t be with. That’s a whole ‘nother story but suffice it to say, frustrating doesn’t come close to describing that one.
> MLC. Yep, that pr!ck pisses me the f@ck off too. I see so many people, so many marriages, so many children .... suffering as a result of MLC ... screw it, we’ll call it PLC. So much devastation and hurt caused by emotional trauma in adolecence. Sure there are generations we can’t do anything about now, other than to compassionately love our family and friends though their experiences, but God there must be something we can do as parents ... as a society to accept that the emotional tools we give, or more importantly, DON’T give our children are so vitaly important down the road.
> The early and intense of exposure of my kids to the OW. They are not being given time to adjust to anything ... honestly, they’ve put in the advanced OP Immersion program ... and it’s not right, it’s not what is best for them. But guess what ... that’s his “parenting choice”. I call BULLSH!T on that one. But it doesn’t matter. And that sucks.
> The fact that H is “apparently” living his white picket fence dream. And yes, I say apparently because I have no idea how happy he is or he isn’t ... but I will say if he’s not then he’s one hell of an actor. Funny thing is, it’s not even that I DON’T want him to have it, I just want it too. It is what it is.
> Other sitchs. There are days where I read and read here on the boards, and I feel lifted up. Strengthened by the support, friendship and messages of positivity and hope. Then there are days where I wonder why some can’t just catch a break. WTF? Seriously ... sometimes I just sit in awe and think I know He doesn’t give us anything we can’t handle, but why the hell does He trust us so much (nickle someone??? maybe you B-lady)?
Bleh.
Sad, I know ... not all that stuff ^^^ ... No, the fact that I am sitting here whining about it.
Where’s my “practise what you preach”? Where are my silver linings now? They’re coming ... I know it ... I can feel it ... I had to get this sh!t out of the way first ...
Shake it off ... reframe it ... let go of the “poor me”...
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
