Brief update: H in crisis mode for at least three years. Wanted separation. I didn`t.He pulled out at the last minute(Jan). I sought legal separation in Feb. H started therapy then. Big changes.
I have only begun to be convinced by his changes this Sept. I am stalling on legal separation.
We are living together but separated. Things a lot less tense around the house. I can live with it for now. But he can no longer stick it.
Last night he asked me if I wanted him to move before or after Christmas! And where did I want him to move to.
I didn`t answer those questions but focussed on the improvements we were making in terms of our individual healing and on owning up to my part in things.
Stayed calm. Listened. REALLY listened.
I hear a man who is deeply confused. Hugely hurt by life. Struggling to get to grips with his feelings.
I did tell him that I was begining to feel better enough about us to consider MC. He scoffed at that. Said his T told him I don`t love him.
I told him his T is separated and that`s why she favours that option.
But I didn`t dwell on that.
I thanked him for helping me get happier.
He said he is full of fear of separation -re kids, money, change. But that his T said there are worse things going on in the world and that he has to be brave....
He said it is bad for the kids the way we are living now. But I know they will be shocked to hear of S talk again. But we both acknowledge that they can fall between two stools if we stay caught in crisis.
I am sorry for him. He is plainly hurting. I know I can`t heal that. He wants me to proceed with S because "you want it".
I feel like calling the legal part off to give us a chance to continue to heal.
I don`t know what to do now. Just know not to beg or plead. If he wants to go, let him. But it sounds like he wants me to make him go and I don`t feel like that`s the right thing to do now.He tried to draw me in with talk about finances, kids in separation but I deflected.
I am calm about it all. Just don`t like to string him along with this limbo and yet, I think we could have a chance to raise a Phoenix from the ashes of our marriage.
Of course `everyone `else -friends, family-would say I`m crazy to think that.
