Wow, guys, thanks SO much for the outpouring of support.
I am trying not to lean too much on RL friends---to have you all in chime in is just too wonderful.
Gypsy, you are entirely right. It's not that I don't KNOW all that stuff--it's the doing and believing it.
[/quote]Whatever the former spouse did and/or does has NOTHING to do with me. Once he decided he was done, I was no longer part of the equation.[quote]
This ^ is really hard. If I understand any of this, he was pretty well happy with our life before She came along.
Sorta like the first time you saw color TV--ooh, does that age me??! And you can't believe what you have been missing.
So he wasn't "done" until he found a reason to be "done." We didn't have years of distance, silence, rage, coldness, growing-apartness for him OR me to feel like our lives were slipping away in a loveless M.
Flowmom wrote that she is enjoying Guitarist so much, because she had been in a M with "lack of affection, love, sex" and that hurt, too, cause that is what X was feeling.
I know I have to chill on the R with exMIL. Can I, though, have one long crying phone convo with her--ask all the questions, get it over with? Just the one? and then any email contact is just friendly stuff, with only PERTINENT info--like X and She are going to the Phish Concert, or will be on the plane from my city to her city...stuff that I want to know so I can keep clear or at least prep my mind.
I'm re-reading your words, Gypsy. "letting go." Have I not done that? Apparently not!
I did say to myself today: "look, Aver, you are finally grieving. You spent the whole last year in a huge anxiety crazed drunken phase. Now you have to feel the pain for real."
So if I can honor the feeling of grief, and REALLY let go...there's my healing.
Sheesh.
I'm doing all the good stuff--exercise, vits, AD's, talking to friends--keeping on keeping on.
Rocked, I would burn the crying towel, but it's too soggy! I have given to Good Will a dress that I never liked but X always said was really great.
